Random

Husband has been so so this week. I have been getting rid of stuff this week by having a moving sale each day. Each morning, I find more things to get rid of. I am showing no mercy for things I do not use. I can't believe I have so much stuff.

Husband, on the other hand, is having difficulty in letting go. He cannot decide what to keep and what to get rid of. He did put his bike out and it was sold the very first day. That bike has only been ridden maybe 10 times. It was a nice Mountain bike. I see the struggle in his face as he sets something out.

We are not moving, yet, but, I want to get rid of a lot of stuff, making it easier for the move, when we do actually move. Plus, I am getting us into a smaller place, hence, no room for a bunch of stuff. Husband cannot help in the move, I have to do this myself. I want to make it as easy as possible for me. If I could, I'd get rid of the big furniture, get 2 lounge chairs, and poof, living room set. Me, I've always been a simple kind of person. No fancy schmancy here. Of course, I won't get rid of the big furniture, but, Lord, the thought of it makes it appealing.

Husband has been stumbling and falling more this week. It may be because he's been on his feet a lot with the moving sale. Don't know. Memory issues are present. He cannot deal with anyone when they come to our moving sale. I have to do the talking. Some look perplexed at husband, notice the cane, then notice his unstable walking, finally, turning to me and we make a deal. They don't ask, "What's wrong with your husband?", and I'm grateful for that. If I'm in the house and someone comes to look, he will come and get me. Like a child would.


Father in law came the other day. I am going to "invite" him to tag along when we go see Dr A on the 25th. I went yesterday to renew our insurance at UNMH. As I was sitting there, waiting for my name to be called, I started going through husband's medical records. This file is about 1 1/2 inches thick. Reading back on their Clinical Notes took me back. Back to before diagnosis. Some of the notes said they were "stumped" on what was wrong with husband. Always, though, they would add that there was a strong family history of "Early Onset Dementing Illness". Then, I came to April 26th, 2010. That was the Day of Diagnosis. I got tears in my eyes as I read what they said. They also noted that "Patient and wife were visibly upset, which is understandable, considering the devastating news I had to deliver".

Luckily, they called my name, and, I escaped from those pages. Those awful pages. During the renewal process, the lady said, "Because of your husband's illness, you will need to notify us if he passes before January of 2013." I just nodded my head.

There was a man in the next cubby, and, as I got up to leave, he glanced at me. I know he heard what the lady had said because he looked at me, smiled and nodded his head. I smiled back and got out of there.

Driving home, tears came to my eyes. No crying, just tears. When I got home, husband asked, "Everything go alright?" "Yes", as I smiled my Academy Award Winning Smile. "Good" he said and smiled back at me.