When I come here each morning, it's after I have read other blogs, checking in on their lives. They are so interesting, full of "chatter", busy, daily lives. They all are so.......well, normal.
Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was imagining what life could be like for me, for us. Being that it was Friday night, I was thinking we would be going to bed early, tired from the work week. I would be getting up early the next morning, going grocery shopping, come home, clean house and start the laundry. Back in the "normal" days, before diagnosis, we would usually get take out or, go out to eat on Saturday nights after church. Sunday, I would cook a big dinner, finish up any laundry, watch an old movie on TCM or AMC, getting ready for the work week.
The house would be sparkling clean, laundry freshly folded and put away. We would go to bed early. Monday morning, the alarm would jar us awake, and the week would begin.
Oh, how I miss that. I don't dwell on the past, but, I keep thinking that if only I had a job to go to, then I could establish a more "normal" routine for me.
My husband is going to die, I get that. But, I have to have a life after. If I had a job, then maybe, just maybe, I could begin a new life, something I've not had before.
If I did have a job, husband could not be left alone. His dad said he could stay with him during the day. That would be good for husband.
I don't know why I'm so focused on this job thing. It could be because I want some sense of normalcy in my life. My whole being craves it.
So, there you have it. My blog may seem boring, depressing and "same thing, different day" to some. But, it's all I have to offer, for now. I am praying one day, soon, I can post an uplifting post about how I got a job and things are going well.
I apologize for this blog not being one of those happy, full of life blogs. I hope one day to have my blog turn into something other than this, something you, as readers and followers will look forward to my posts as I do others. My hope is that it will be a comfort to you, a chuckle for you, an uplifting, inspirational and entertaining blog. Until that time, please bear with me as I travel this journey I did not ask for, but, am trying to travel with faith, dignity, strength and courage.
One day,I hope all of you will say, "Oh, gotta read 4th Pew on the Left", I just love her posts".
I already say, "Oh, gotta read 4th Pew on the Left" - yours is the first blog I look for every morning. I've never encountered such beautiful, raw writing before.
ReplyDeleteJohanna
Are you getting your comments. I have been leaving some and it always says zero.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are. I think it would be if you could find at least a part time job. It would help to get away.
YOur blog is sad but sometimes so is life. You cn be funny some day.
(((((HUGS))))
You don't know me- I am not even sure how I found your blog...I think it was from a comment you left on some else's blog. I do make a point to come to your blog every day. I also pray for you and your husband every day. You and I have not much in common. I am a mom to a seven and five year old. I work outside the home. I have been married eight years. But, I am drawn to your blog. I often wonder if I would be as strong as you are, if I would be able to be as good a wife as you are. You truly inspire me.
ReplyDeleteI certainly stalk and read your blog daily. I have never read such honest writing. I pray for you and your family daily.
ReplyDelete