A good weekend?

All is well on the home front. Or, as well as can be.

Got the call for husband's braces late Thursday. Have to take him in next Thursday for fittings and measurements. She said it could be up to 3 weeks before they come in. I don't know if orthopedic shoes come with the braces or I have to purchase them separately. I am hoping they come with. Those shoes are very expensive and I don't have money for them.

We went to our couples group last night. It was nice. I like the other couples there. We fit in. I also joined a grief group on Thursday night. It's called Grief Share. Some of those people have gone through the most horrific of situations. Yet, they are here, surviving.

One of them just lost her baby at 9 months pregnant. He died in utero. One of them had a son lost to suicide. The stories they told. One woman lost her entire family except for her son to a car accident. Awful, awful stories.

But, there they were, telling these stories, and still breathing. One woman lost her husband to a heart attack. She said to me, "I don't know which is worse. Mine so suddenly, or yours, watching him suffer". She's right. What's worse?

Afterward, I was thinking that husband may still be here, but, the man I know is gone, forever. I don't have a husband. I have another child. The man I fell in love with is no longer here. He may look like him, but it's not him.

I do everything. I make all the decisions, pay bills, make Dr appointments, budget. It's all on me. All of it. I might as well be alone. And, I am, in a way. Maybe this is God's way of preparing me for the future, when I really will be alone. The transistion may not be as hard as some think.

We are off to a good start to the weekend. I hope it's a good one. I hate going to that Dark Place. When it happens, I feel so helpless. I don't feel strong then. I feel scared and alone. I don't show it, but my insides quiver.

I don't like it when my insides quiver.