Run away.........................

I am feeling better today. After cleaning and a shower, I got into bed and rested. Spent most of the day in bed. Around 7:30, husband got upset that he couldn't watch "his" TV in the bedroom. So, I got up and came out to the living room to watch a movie with Jack.

The chilli I made turned out great. It was really good. Jack ate 3 bowls.

We did not make it to church last night. Going to the 11:15 services this morning. Husband is up and was worried we wouldn't go. He worries about even the smallest of things.

Husband is still in a place I don't like. He is irrational and irratating. I know he can't help it, but, it still. drives. me. nuts. Nothing you say to him will stop this type of behavior. All I can do is get through it.

Usually, when he gets this way, I try to avoid him at all costs. If we ignore it, it lessens. If we make a big deal out of it, it gets worse.

Husband was talking to a "visitor" in the night. I turned over to "see" who this "person" was, he stopped talking, as if I interrupted him. Didn't see anything, turned back over and he continued talking. His voice was soft, and there was no mumbling. I understood every word he said. He was telling someone about his Dr visit the other day. He now says he doesn't remember what he was talking about, but he was talking to "someone".

I hate this disease. I hate what it's done to him. What it's done to us. I have to treat him like a child. I hate that. He hates that. When he is somewhat "with it", he realizes that I am treating him like a child and it makes him angry. He will lash out at me.

I didn't sign up for this. Don't want it. But have to accept this is my lot in life. I don't know why. I don't question that anymore. I do what I have to do. But, don't expect me to like it. Today, I am frustrated and angry. Angry at everything. I can't show it, it will upset husband. All I can do is recognize I am angry, work through it, get through another day. Just the mere thought of dealing with him today makes me want to run from my house screaming. But, I won't. I'll smile and do what is expected of me.