Seasons of My Life

Sgt V called Jack yesterday. Because of Jack's high score on his ASFAB, he was able to pick what he wanted to do from a very large list. His first choice was Aero Jet Maintenance. He got it. He will head up the crews on the job. He will travel the world. The world is waiting for him. He will be a fine, solid young man.

To me, he will always be my baby. The last one. The little surprise when I took the pregnancy test, in a joking manner and it said, "pregnant". What? Nine months later on a hot August afternoon, I met my Jack. Bouncing baby boy to say the least. 9 lbs 7 ozs. He was the talk of the maternity ward. They kept him in the nursery for quite a while. When I asked what was taking so long, the nurse said, "he's ordering a green chille cheeseburger". They had to go to Pediatrics to get bigger diapers. The smaller ones were cutting into his legs. So big, so beautiful and so so precious.

He will be leaving in Sept 2012. One month after his 18th birthday. That's it, it's written in stone with the US Air Force. Final. Be still my heart.

This is great news. I am so excited for him. The world at his fingertips. I just wish it were under different circumstances. His dad is dying. He may not ever see him again.

How this will affect husband, I don't know. I hope he is alive still when the time comes for Jack to leave. He may not even know he's gone. Who knows.

When we told husband last night, "the look" was back. Eyes glazed over, that blank, haunting look. Ugly. He smiled and said how great that was. But, I could tell he didn't understand the whole concept. I know this morning he will ask me questions about it, because he won't remember last night. So, I will tell him over and over today what Jack will be doing, when Jack will be leaving. It just won't make sense to him anymore.

My life as I know it will change. I can feel it already. There is a new life waiting for me, a different kind of life I have never known. No kids, no husband. Will I like this new life? Tish said one time, "Maybe you'll meet someone, Mom". No, no thank you. Been there, done that.

So, on to the next chapter of my life. I don't know where it'll take me. The memories of husband will be enough to sustain me. I loved and was loved. I was the lucky one.