Happy birthday, Mommy

Another beautiful day yesterday. Not as warm, but yet, still beautiful.

In the Land of Dementia, I am happy to report we have stability.

Jack & husband spent the day at grandpas' house. Father in law is proud of Jack (his namesake). He told him how happy he was for his choice in going into the Air Force. They talked, laughed and ate. They sat outside on the porch swing. Three generations of men. Husband came home glowing and smiling. Jack said he really enjoyed spending the day with his dad and grandpa.

I, on the other hand, spent the day reflecting. It was quiet here in my house. Even the dogs behaved.

Last Thursday was my mother's 94th birthday. I called her to wish her a happy birthday. Normally, I call her every Sunday morning. She got two calls from me this week. She sounds tired now. Hello? 94? I know the day is coming for "the call" from my sister, just not ready for it. Who ever is? I love my mother. She has her way of doing things different from me. She has her way of talking different from me. She can test even the best. She's not perfect, but, she's still my mother. I love her. I will cry when she's gone. I will miss those Sunday morning calls.

Sometimes, in my darkest of days, I think what will I do when my mother and husband are gone? Both of them, gone. How will I breathe? How will I walk? How will I live? Who does this? How do they survive?

I don't know, but, one day, I will walk that path. I will breathe, I will walk, I will live.

Who knows, there may be someone out there who will one day go down the same path as I am today. Someone that will reach out to me, someone that I can help. Someone I can be a witness to. Someone I can guide through this hell. I hope so. Not that I wish this on anyone, but, I am going through this for a reason. If it means I have to go through this to help someone else, then so be it.

When you run a marathon, you have to have a trainer. You have to be fit for that kind of endurance. God is my trainer now. I'm not fit yet, but if I keep listening to Him, I can do it.