Reflections of years past

We had an OK weekend. Kind of quiet. I hadn't felt good the last few days, from lack of sleep, so I rested all day Saturday, slept good that night, so, we went to church Sunday morning instead of our regular Saturday night.

Husband was in good spirits all weekend. A lot of memory lapses, but guess I am getting used to that.

Pat & Christine printed up the cards I had asked for. They look nice. Now, when we go somewhere and people try to communicate with husband, I can slip them a card that says, "Thank you for understanding our loved one has Dementia". This will solve any issues I have learned to deal with in public.

Looking at the cards reminded me that this is really happening. It seemed strange. As I was looking at them I thought, "This is MY husband we're talking about". Kind of a small punch in the gut.

I remember 3 years ago this time. Tish was pregnant with baby Alex, we were looking forward to his birth, I had been laid off from my job and I knew something was wrong with husband. Alex came 3 weeks early, emergency c-section, Jace was in Iraq, so I had to step in and take care of all of them. The whole time there was this nagging thought and a heaviness in my heart. When Alex was born, I clapped, laughed and cried. And there it was again, this feeling, deep down inside of me knew he was sick.

Then, one week before Christmas, after working for 30 years as a concrete cutter, being one of the best in town, husband looses his job. I was cooking spaghetti, standing at the stove. He comes in and tells me this news. OK, I thought, the worst happened. I had said earlier in the month that the worst thing that could happen would be if husband lost his job. So, he did.

How I wish that were true today. The worst that could happen if he lost his job? No, my friends, that's not the worst as I have found out. The worst is when you take husband in for a referral to a Neurologist. Waiting for 3 1/2 months for an appointment. Finally, finally, we will get answers. Be careful what you ask for.

4 months later, on a spring day, you get your answer. The nagging feeling inside of you goes away. Replacing it with a pain in your heart that to this day, remains. It hurts.

The Dr smiles at you, but not in a good way. They all have one of those smiles. They must've practiced it in Medical School. He sits you both down, clears his throat and begins with, "I'm so sorry................................"

Yep, that's the worst that can happen. Because it happened to me.