Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Who was that?

Boy, I have really been slacking in posts.  So much has changed in just a month, it's hard to keep up.  I guess Dr F was right when he said the last 6 months would be a rapid decline.  He knows his stuff.

In June, Dr A told me 6 to 9 months.  In September, Dr F said 6 months, give or take.  Now, on Monday, this new Dr K will give me a timeline.  I wonder what it will be? 

Husband has been slipping in an alarming manner.  The other night, he came out of the bedroom and stood, holding on to the walls, just staring ahead.  Finally, I asked him if something was the matter.  He looked over to where my voice was coming from and said, "Where am I going?"

His voice has become so soft, I can't hear him at times.  Dr F told me that is one of the signs of the beginning of the end.  How strange.  His voice is like a whisper, mumbled and ever so soft.  It reminds me of someone who is so exhausted, they talk softly right before they fall to sleep.

I am finding myself repeating things to him all day now.  I can say something to him and in the next moment he will ask me again.  His memory is completely destroyed now.

Eating dinner the other night, he began to tell me about his neighbor he had as a little boy.  In that new soft voice, he told me how mean this neighbor was and how he didn't like kids playing in front of his home.  Of course, I had heard the story before, but, I was amazed at how he could remember this neighbor, but, can't remember anything else.

At the end of this conversation, he hung his head and said, "And then, he died."

I also think it's time to put him in the wheelchair, doing away with the walker.  His legs have become so stiff and his brain can't tell him to move the legs, making it scary for me.  It will be hard, I know, but, being that I have to make these decisions, I feel comfortable about the chair.

Speaking of decisions, I often wonder who signed me up for this?  I sure didn't. 

I have been thinking of finding a new Church.  I miss going.  The other day, standing on my patio, a young man came from nowhere, walked by, hesitated, then turned towards me and said, "Would you like to come to Church?"

Stunned, I said, "Yes."  He then handed me a brochure of a Church and walked away.  I glanced at the brochure and looked up to thank him.  He was nowhere in sight.  Now, it was a matter of seconds that he had just handed me this brochure, there was no way he could've walked that fast to the parking lot.  He was gone.

As I walked in the house, I got this warm, fuzzy feeling.  It felt like God had put His arms around me, comforting me.

God did this.  He sent a messenger to me.  That "person" who handed me this brochure?  He wasn't of this world.

Since then, every time I walk by that brochure, on my fridge with a magnet, I feel the love of God.

And yes, I plan on attending next week.

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