Well, here goes.
The move went smoothly, the drive up here even smoother. Everything was coming up roses. Until, yesterday.
Tish had taken me by the new apartment, Sunday afternoon. It was then I got an uneasy feeling. I tried as hard as I could to shake that feeling.
I had been waiting for 3 weeks for this guy at the new apartment to email me the total of what I was to pay once we arrived. Never did get that email.
So, we went to the apartment yesterday morning. We drove by the new apartment and I told Tish to stop so I could get out and look at it. As I walked up, that uneasy feeling came over me. Looked over the wall into the patio, saw nothing but trash. Got to the front door, peeked in through a broken blind and lo and behold, all I could see were cases of beer.
Once I got to the office, I asked for Brad. They told me he was off on Monday's. Lovely. I told the Property Manager my name and told her what I had found at my "new" apartment and she assured me the apartment would be ready by Wednesday. She gave me the total price to move in and promised me all would be well.
We had other errands to run and all the while that uneasy feeling kept creeping up.
Got my money orders for the move in price and off we went to the apartment. As I walked in, I felt like running out and never coming back to that place.
Went in anyways and the manager was waiting for me. She then said, "Did Brad also tell you that we changed your apartment and building?"
Wait. What?
Now, before we left Albuquerque, I had done a change of address for the "new" apartment. That was my first thought. The second thought was, "Run, baby, run".
After I recovered from that one, she said we would be able to view my "real" apartment. As we walked up to this unit, there was yellow tape across my unit extending to the unit next door.
The manage turned to me and said, "Now, don't panic, but, the unit next to you caught fire, but, rest assured, your unit was not damaged and all is well."
After picking my jaw up from the ground, I, like a fool, followed her into this unit.
Stay tuned. Trust me, there's more to come.
Husband's last camping trip
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
This is it!! (No, not the Michael Jackson Tour)
Well, this is it. My last post before Colorado. House is packed, food is gone. Now all I have to do is take the cable equipment in this morning and I'm done. That's it. So much work. Picking the truck up tomorrow morning, loading up, going to hotel for Saturday night and hitting the road early Sunday morning.
Last night, as I was sitting in my recliner, I got to looking around the living room and dining room. My whole life, packed in boxes. Looked down the hall towards the bedroom. Husband, fast asleep, mouth wide open. Little gasps here and there for breath.
What happened to us?, I thought. Where did our life go? How did it all come to this?
"I'm taking my husband to Colorado so he can die", I said out loud, maybe saying it out loud sounded better than my thoughts?
I don't know.
So many thoughts lately. Neighbors coming to see me, telling me how much they are going to miss me, how they so enjoyed having me as a neighbor.
Bittersweet.
On the one hand, I am glad to be leaving New Mexico for good. On the other hand, I know what this move means to husband and know that it will lead to his death. And, leave me a Widow. Alone.
A door is closing here. For good. A new life awaits me in Colorado.
I will try and post Sunday or Monday.
Until then..................................................
Last night, as I was sitting in my recliner, I got to looking around the living room and dining room. My whole life, packed in boxes. Looked down the hall towards the bedroom. Husband, fast asleep, mouth wide open. Little gasps here and there for breath.
What happened to us?, I thought. Where did our life go? How did it all come to this?
"I'm taking my husband to Colorado so he can die", I said out loud, maybe saying it out loud sounded better than my thoughts?
I don't know.
So many thoughts lately. Neighbors coming to see me, telling me how much they are going to miss me, how they so enjoyed having me as a neighbor.
Bittersweet.
On the one hand, I am glad to be leaving New Mexico for good. On the other hand, I know what this move means to husband and know that it will lead to his death. And, leave me a Widow. Alone.
A door is closing here. For good. A new life awaits me in Colorado.
I will try and post Sunday or Monday.
Until then..................................................
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Peace
Oh, how I wish it were next week this time. The move would be done and all I would need to do is unpack. If it were that easy.
Most of yesterday was spent getting my new driving glasses (the old ones were falling apart and every time I bent my head, they would fall off) and getting a new windshield for my car. I can happily report, my new glasses are great and the windshield is in.
As I was waiting for the windshield, I was sitting in the lobby and the girl had gone to lunch so, the owner had to cover phones and walk ins. A customer had walked in and they began to talk. I took it from the conversation that he was not only a repeat customer, but friend as well.
This man asked how his dad was doing. The owner said, "Well, as good as can be expected." The man asked, "Is your mom caring for him?" "Yes", said the owner, "But, this has been pretty hard on her." The man replied, "Well, I've heard that caring for a person affected by Alzheimer's is pretty bad."
After this customer left, the owner asked me where I was moving to. I told him. Then, I asked if his dad had Alzheimer's. He said yes, he does. I then explained that my husband has Alzheimer's, only a very rare form of it, lasting only a few short years before the end comes. We had such a great conversation. He was such a nice guy. He told me that his dad can still walk, his legs are not affected, yet. But, his dad does not know much anymore. I told him about husband and what he can and cannot do now.
The owner was so interested in what I had to say. Said he had never heard of husband's type of Alzheimer's.
Right before my car was ready, he said, "Are you going to wait until he passes to move to Colorado?"
"No, he wants to go to Colorado to die."
I didn't mean to make this grown man cry, but, he did. At the counter, in front of customers, in front of his employees and in front of me.
I assured him it was going to be OK, I was doing what he wanted and I have peace about it all.
As I left, he said, "Peace be with you and your husband."
Yes, Peace. It will follow me to Colorado.
Most of yesterday was spent getting my new driving glasses (the old ones were falling apart and every time I bent my head, they would fall off) and getting a new windshield for my car. I can happily report, my new glasses are great and the windshield is in.
As I was waiting for the windshield, I was sitting in the lobby and the girl had gone to lunch so, the owner had to cover phones and walk ins. A customer had walked in and they began to talk. I took it from the conversation that he was not only a repeat customer, but friend as well.
This man asked how his dad was doing. The owner said, "Well, as good as can be expected." The man asked, "Is your mom caring for him?" "Yes", said the owner, "But, this has been pretty hard on her." The man replied, "Well, I've heard that caring for a person affected by Alzheimer's is pretty bad."
After this customer left, the owner asked me where I was moving to. I told him. Then, I asked if his dad had Alzheimer's. He said yes, he does. I then explained that my husband has Alzheimer's, only a very rare form of it, lasting only a few short years before the end comes. We had such a great conversation. He was such a nice guy. He told me that his dad can still walk, his legs are not affected, yet. But, his dad does not know much anymore. I told him about husband and what he can and cannot do now.
The owner was so interested in what I had to say. Said he had never heard of husband's type of Alzheimer's.
Right before my car was ready, he said, "Are you going to wait until he passes to move to Colorado?"
"No, he wants to go to Colorado to die."
I didn't mean to make this grown man cry, but, he did. At the counter, in front of customers, in front of his employees and in front of me.
I assured him it was going to be OK, I was doing what he wanted and I have peace about it all.
As I left, he said, "Peace be with you and your husband."
Yes, Peace. It will follow me to Colorado.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Bolted bed
My back hurts. My neck hurts. My shoulders hurt. The house is packed. Complete. Boxes stacked in the dining room. The only thing left now is cleaning out the fridge and freezer. Have to give food away to the neighbor. Taking all the cable equipment to cable on Friday. That means no TV Friday night. Don't care, will be too tired to even watch TV.
This has been hard. But, will be worth it in the end, I keep telling myself.
Husband has been in a good mood. He sits on his bed or wheelchair and watches me. He will ask questions all day, but, for the most part, he is excited to go. I would be too if I didn't have to do this alone.
I ran an errand in the afternoon yesterday. When I got back, husband was standing in the hallway, holding onto the walls. He didn't say "hi", instead, he looked at me and asked, "How old am I?" I told him "48", "really? I'm 48?". "Yes, you're 48". "I didn't know I was 48, that's old, isn't it?" "No, it's not old," I said. And that was the end of that conversation.
It's like that around here nowadays. He asks the craziest questions and is OK with my answers. Usually.
Last night, he found me in the kitchen. He asked me to come to the bedroom, we have a problem. Now, being that the bedroom is totally packed, with only 2 beds and a TV in there, I was curious.
The "problem" was, at it turned out was, according to him, his hospital bed was bolted to the floor. How in the world were we going to get it un bolted? Oh dear, I thought, here we go. He would not believe me that the bed was not bolted. I took him in the room and moved the hospital bed sideways, showing him that there were no bolts. "Oh, I saw the bolts earlier today, did you take them off?" To avoid any more confusion, I just said, "Yeah, I did" "Good", was his reply.
Hey, it beats the alternative.
I will try to post tomorrow and Friday morning. I will be cut off from communication until probably Sunday, when we get to Tish's house. Cable will be turned on at the new apartment next Wednesday.
Boy, what an adventure this has been. This is going to be a whole new start, a whole new life. Part of me is excited, while the other part is a little nervous.
I'm taking my husband to die in Colorado. His decision, his wish.
And, I will honor it.
This has been hard. But, will be worth it in the end, I keep telling myself.
Husband has been in a good mood. He sits on his bed or wheelchair and watches me. He will ask questions all day, but, for the most part, he is excited to go. I would be too if I didn't have to do this alone.
I ran an errand in the afternoon yesterday. When I got back, husband was standing in the hallway, holding onto the walls. He didn't say "hi", instead, he looked at me and asked, "How old am I?" I told him "48", "really? I'm 48?". "Yes, you're 48". "I didn't know I was 48, that's old, isn't it?" "No, it's not old," I said. And that was the end of that conversation.
It's like that around here nowadays. He asks the craziest questions and is OK with my answers. Usually.
Last night, he found me in the kitchen. He asked me to come to the bedroom, we have a problem. Now, being that the bedroom is totally packed, with only 2 beds and a TV in there, I was curious.
The "problem" was, at it turned out was, according to him, his hospital bed was bolted to the floor. How in the world were we going to get it un bolted? Oh dear, I thought, here we go. He would not believe me that the bed was not bolted. I took him in the room and moved the hospital bed sideways, showing him that there were no bolts. "Oh, I saw the bolts earlier today, did you take them off?" To avoid any more confusion, I just said, "Yeah, I did" "Good", was his reply.
Hey, it beats the alternative.
I will try to post tomorrow and Friday morning. I will be cut off from communication until probably Sunday, when we get to Tish's house. Cable will be turned on at the new apartment next Wednesday.
Boy, what an adventure this has been. This is going to be a whole new start, a whole new life. Part of me is excited, while the other part is a little nervous.
I'm taking my husband to die in Colorado. His decision, his wish.
And, I will honor it.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Doggie in a shoping cart!!
I took husband to one of his favorite stores yesterday. Right in the middle of organizing, packing and cleaning the oven. He had been asking for days to go three. It's a tool store, (as if he needs tools). He kept saying he wanted to get a box to store stuff. Now, he has so many of these boxes it's ridiculous, but, I promised him I would take him.
I never leave my dog alone. If we need to go somewhere, a neighbor will watch him. I know, I know, don't judge, he's spoiled rotten. Unfortunately, my neighbor was at work, so, when we got to the store, I just put the dog in a shopping cart and off we went into the store. No one said a word about the dog, but, did comment on how cute he is.
After strolling the isles, we found the storage boxes. Husband could not make up his mind. The salesman asked me, quietly, "Did he have a bad accident?" "No", I said. "He has Alzheimer's".
That poor guy. He looked shocked. Then said, "But, he's so young." "Yes, he is, to have Alzheimer's. It's very rare and genetic related," was my reply. "He doesn't have long, does he?"
No, he doesn't.
A few hours after we got home, there I am, knee deep in oven cleaning and husband comes to the kitchen to tell med he made a mistake in buying the boxes, he wants me to take him back so I can return them. When it told him, "Absolutely not!!!!", well, he got a little angry at me. Said we will do that one day this week.
He was not happy about that, but, rested and seemed OK after awhile. I, on the other hand, kept cleaning the oven, but,( here I go again), got to thinking.
People can tell husband doesn't have long. Wow, I thought, not only can I see it, but, others as well.
What is so interesting now, is, you can talk about him right in front of him, like we did at the store, and he doesn't even know you're talking about him.
It's that bad now.
I never leave my dog alone. If we need to go somewhere, a neighbor will watch him. I know, I know, don't judge, he's spoiled rotten. Unfortunately, my neighbor was at work, so, when we got to the store, I just put the dog in a shopping cart and off we went into the store. No one said a word about the dog, but, did comment on how cute he is.
After strolling the isles, we found the storage boxes. Husband could not make up his mind. The salesman asked me, quietly, "Did he have a bad accident?" "No", I said. "He has Alzheimer's".
That poor guy. He looked shocked. Then said, "But, he's so young." "Yes, he is, to have Alzheimer's. It's very rare and genetic related," was my reply. "He doesn't have long, does he?"
No, he doesn't.
A few hours after we got home, there I am, knee deep in oven cleaning and husband comes to the kitchen to tell med he made a mistake in buying the boxes, he wants me to take him back so I can return them. When it told him, "Absolutely not!!!!", well, he got a little angry at me. Said we will do that one day this week.
He was not happy about that, but, rested and seemed OK after awhile. I, on the other hand, kept cleaning the oven, but,( here I go again), got to thinking.
People can tell husband doesn't have long. Wow, I thought, not only can I see it, but, others as well.
What is so interesting now, is, you can talk about him right in front of him, like we did at the store, and he doesn't even know you're talking about him.
It's that bad now.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Miscellaneous
Why, lucky you. Just imagine, 2 posts in 2 days. Wow. Go me.
Update on husband: He seems OK, quite excited for Colorado, still in his own world most of the time. He drools, stares at nothing, loves to sit outside and that's about it.
I got home from the store the other day and, as I walked in, husband said, "I don't know my Social Security number anymore." He looked so sad, so, to cheer him up, I said, "Well, I do!!!!" He smiled at that.
He has been sleeping through the night, which is good. I am sleeping good too. Still wake up early, but, I like that early morning freshness.
His appetite is not what it used to be. I have had to cut down on his portions. Most of the time, he will leave food still on his plate, even when I just give him a little food. Just making sure he gets a well balanced meal.
As far as memory goes, well, it's to be expected. He really doesn't retain anything. He will look at me when I am talking, but, his eyes become so round and large listening to me, that I hate looking at him. In the next moment, he will not even know I had spoken to him.
He thinks I don't know how to pack, organize or load a truck. This drives me nuts. I constantly tell him I know how to do this, but, he doesn't understand. I'll be doing something and he will tell me how worried he is that I don't know what I'm doing. Gritting my teeth, I'll tell him that this isn't my first move, I know what I'm doing. Doesn't do any good though, he doesn't understand what I'm telling him.
My next door neighbor lost his mother to Alzheimer's the other day. He is beside himself in grief. I bought him some beautiful flowers and a card yesterday. As I set the flowers down on his table, I noticed he had his mom's picture out. This woman, once so full of life, so beautiful in her younger days, stared back at me. I stared into her eyes. Haunting. I arranged the flowers next to his mother, gave him a big hug and left.
This morning, as I went outside, there on my outdoor table was an envelope. It was a thank you card from my neighbor.
We have a bond, this neighbor/friend of mine.
Nothing has to be said. We know it will strike my house next.
Update on husband: He seems OK, quite excited for Colorado, still in his own world most of the time. He drools, stares at nothing, loves to sit outside and that's about it.
I got home from the store the other day and, as I walked in, husband said, "I don't know my Social Security number anymore." He looked so sad, so, to cheer him up, I said, "Well, I do!!!!" He smiled at that.
He has been sleeping through the night, which is good. I am sleeping good too. Still wake up early, but, I like that early morning freshness.
His appetite is not what it used to be. I have had to cut down on his portions. Most of the time, he will leave food still on his plate, even when I just give him a little food. Just making sure he gets a well balanced meal.
As far as memory goes, well, it's to be expected. He really doesn't retain anything. He will look at me when I am talking, but, his eyes become so round and large listening to me, that I hate looking at him. In the next moment, he will not even know I had spoken to him.
He thinks I don't know how to pack, organize or load a truck. This drives me nuts. I constantly tell him I know how to do this, but, he doesn't understand. I'll be doing something and he will tell me how worried he is that I don't know what I'm doing. Gritting my teeth, I'll tell him that this isn't my first move, I know what I'm doing. Doesn't do any good though, he doesn't understand what I'm telling him.
My next door neighbor lost his mother to Alzheimer's the other day. He is beside himself in grief. I bought him some beautiful flowers and a card yesterday. As I set the flowers down on his table, I noticed he had his mom's picture out. This woman, once so full of life, so beautiful in her younger days, stared back at me. I stared into her eyes. Haunting. I arranged the flowers next to his mother, gave him a big hug and left.
This morning, as I went outside, there on my outdoor table was an envelope. It was a thank you card from my neighbor.
We have a bond, this neighbor/friend of mine.
Nothing has to be said. We know it will strike my house next.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Excuses, excuses
I am so sorry for the lack in posts. I have been so busy, that my mornings start out with a bang and it's on from there.
I went for my last appointment with my Dr on Tuesday. He is so wonderful, I'm really going to miss him. He told me I look great and all labs are perfect. Blood pressure is normal. Said in general, I'm in excellent shape. I made a joke and said, "Yeah, but what about my head?" We had a good laugh over that.
Good news. My son, Tyler will be driving the moving truck up to the Springs. Yay. We were originally planning on going up on the 10th of August, but, Tyler is off on Sunday and Monday, so, we leave a week from this coming Sunday.
My new apartment will not be ready until the 14th, so, we are going to stay with Tish and the family. Alright by me. Their new house is a 2 story, so, husband and I will sleep on the couch downstairs. It's like a sectional with a lounger at the end. Perfect for the two of us.
Father in law took husband with him yesterday for the whole day. Once they were gone, I dug into the hall closet, packing.
I went to the store and got paper plates, bowls and cups. Dishes will be packed today. I have to use up the food we have. So much planning.
I will try and post daily, but, can't promise anything. I don't know when my internet will be up at the new place. Have to call today and get on the schedule. At least I will be able to have internet at Tish's house.
So, countdown to next week. It's on.
I went for my last appointment with my Dr on Tuesday. He is so wonderful, I'm really going to miss him. He told me I look great and all labs are perfect. Blood pressure is normal. Said in general, I'm in excellent shape. I made a joke and said, "Yeah, but what about my head?" We had a good laugh over that.
Good news. My son, Tyler will be driving the moving truck up to the Springs. Yay. We were originally planning on going up on the 10th of August, but, Tyler is off on Sunday and Monday, so, we leave a week from this coming Sunday.
My new apartment will not be ready until the 14th, so, we are going to stay with Tish and the family. Alright by me. Their new house is a 2 story, so, husband and I will sleep on the couch downstairs. It's like a sectional with a lounger at the end. Perfect for the two of us.
Father in law took husband with him yesterday for the whole day. Once they were gone, I dug into the hall closet, packing.
I went to the store and got paper plates, bowls and cups. Dishes will be packed today. I have to use up the food we have. So much planning.
I will try and post daily, but, can't promise anything. I don't know when my internet will be up at the new place. Have to call today and get on the schedule. At least I will be able to have internet at Tish's house.
So, countdown to next week. It's on.
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