After

I think about what is going to happen to me & Jack after Leon is gone. It could be 2-3 years or sooner. We just don't know. This disease is so unpredictable. This week, he seems fine. Of course the memory is not what it used to be, the blank look is still there, but he has seemed more of himself lately. It's been OK.

But, when he is gone, I will have to decide whether I want to continue living in this house or get a small apartment. My income will be reduced,(uh, alot) but it will probably only be me, so, what to do? I sure as heck don't want to go back to work. Those days are over. As I've said before, I would love to have someone publish this blog, then I would love to earn enough money to buy a small house: problem solved.

Tish wants me to live with them, Pat & Christine said to come live with them, the other kids want me with them, but, what about what I want? At this time, the idea of living alone sounds good to me. I have never lived alone, but, the solitude sounds so appealing to me. After years of raising children, the noises, the messes, the hassle, getting up each day in a quiet home, well, I think it's what I want. Who knows though, I may be very lonely living alone. I just think at this time, yeah, living alone is what I would prefer.

As time goes by, I may change my mind. I may want to have people around me who love me. I may need people around me. At least I have options.

When my Father died in 1985, my Mother went to live with my oldest brother and his wife. She lived with them for 13 years. She said it was wonderful.

I don't want to be the kind of Mother that burdens her children with her very presence. So, today, my choice is to live alone. My only hope is that financially, I will be able to do it.

So, here's to my future: a future filled with uncertainties, but a future nonetheless. At least I have a future. My husband doesn't.