Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Waiting to Exhale

My going away party for Marie went great. Food was delicious, company was even better. Before we said goodbye, I warned Marie to not cry, "I mean it", I said. So, when the goodbye happened, she held on to me so tight, and I could feel her start to cry, so I started laughing, which got her laughing. It was great.

I hate goodbye's. I never know what to do, always get an uncomfortable, awkward feeling. Not that I don't feel, I do, but, I just never know what to do. It may come from my childhood, when I was told I was nothing but an afterbirth, I don't know. So, I made it light and funny.

She is on her way to a better life. I am so happy for her.

Husband gave me trouble yesterday morning. Reminded me of when the kids were little and I had so much to do, they would act out. He started acting out, so, I put my foot down. He pouted the rest of the day, but "behaved" himself for the BBQ.

Since we have been back from Colorado, I noticed he has started using the cane even in the house. He used to only use the cane when we went out, but now uses it all the time. Trouble is, he lays it down somewhere, forgets where he laid it down, and the search begins. I will be in the middle of folding laundry, he forgets where he put his cane, panics, comes to me, scared and out of breath, and I have to stop what I'm doing and help him find the cane. It's usually right by his chair in the living room where he always sits, but, he forgets that he sits there. He forgets so much now. It's pitiful.

People who have not seen him in awhile, saw him yesterday at the BBQ. They all came to me, saying things like, "My God, Susie", or, "He's so bad now". I know, I know, I would say.

Jack and I, on the other hand, accept it for what it is, just take care of the daily living stuff. Because we live with it, it's a "normal" for us that we accept what he has lost, go on, waiting, always waiting for what's to come next. And, each time there is a sudden decline, we inhale and exhale.

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