Hope

Been some time. Haven't had much to say, even though it's been a rough week. There are so many issues going on right now, all pertaining to this horrid disease.

I had thoughts of going back to work also. I even went so far as to register and apply with the City of Albuquerque and with UNM Hospital. The whole time though, something inside was screaming at me, "No". It would be nice to have a little more money to live on. We get enough money to pay the bills and I'm thankful for that, but for the rest of the month, there's next to nothing. So, I sit at home, waiting for the next 3rd of the month to roll around. That's hard. Don't want a ton of money, just a little more would be nice, just in case. Oh well.

I have been depressed alot lately. Can't seem to shake it. Worrying about everything, loss of life, finances, decisions. Ugh.

I made a decision to other day to join a Support Group. I had been given the name of a lady who founded this group and had her number for about 3 weeks. Never called her. But, on Thursday, something told me to call so, I did. One of the best decisions I have made. Didn't know what to say at first, just mumbled a few words, and like God Himself spoke, this woman started to speak. "You don't have to say anything, I'm here to help you, I know what you are going through, been there". With that, I felt like I had found an old long lost friend. Told her I had her number for a few weeks, but never felt inclined to call until that day. She laughed and said she had been in Colorado Springs all month, so I wouldn't of gotten her anyway. Funny how God works. She had just got back into town the day before. Funny, but not so funny when you think about it. God knew when I should call, not me.

Turns out she knows all of husbands' Drs at UNM. Only she is on first name basis with them. She is going to use her power to get husband in to see a Dr we saw last year. He runs the Dementia Clinic at UNM, also does Clinical Research at the VA Hospital. Her husband was a patient with this Dr. He died too. Dementia. At age 54.

This group meets on the 1st Sunday of each month. She wants to meet me beforehand, so, we will be having coffee at a Starbucks this coming Tuesday. So looking forward to it.

In the meantime, she has given me advice on how to deal. I had mentioned that I may have to go back to work. She is not keen on this, as she said it would be dangerous to leave husband alone. I know, I said, but need a little more money to live on. So, we will have to see about that.

Am looking forward to this week. Joining this group I feel, will make a difference, I feel it in my heart. I feel as if a door has been opened, a new beginning, a new understanding on this horrid disease, a chance to meet others in similiar situations and someone who will help the survivors of a terminally ill spouse.

God spoke, "There's Hope".