Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I'm OK, You're OK

December is almost here.  And Christmas.  Two weeks after Christmas, we move.  I look around this house and think about what's involved in this move and I want to curl up in bed and wake up two months from now.

Husband told me he would do all the work.  Purely delusional.  When he offers to help me with anything, I have to be careful how I respond.  I have learned to not say, "You can't do anything."  Even though he can't do anything.  So, I give him a sit down job and soon, he forgets he even offered in the first place.  Another perk of this disease.

I think I'm going to try and sell the washer/dryer on Craig's list this weekend.  I have never done Craig's List, but, if it gets them sold I'll do it.  There is a huge, clean laundromat a short 1/2 block away, so, that won't be too much for me to handle.  Besides, with Jack gone, I am now down to only 4 loads each week.

I have decided to not have a garage sale.  It's December, people are not going to be out much at garage sales.  Besides, it's cold outside.  With the exception of my major appliances and a queen bed, the rest will be donated.  Get it out, less for me to move.

It's going to be a change for sure.  Being so far from the familiar.  I like the idea of mountain views, only, during snowstorms, that part of the city gets slammed with snow and ice.  Oh well, make sure we have plenty of food and wait for it all to thaw.

So much to do, so much on my mind.

I still can't shake this sadness, however, I try each day to work through it.  It's seems to be a part of my daily.  I think part of it is my grief.  There are times a little anger will slip in here and there.  I read somewhere that it's healthy to feel sadness and anger.

Because my life is not normal anymore, it's comforting to read that the feelings I have sometimes are normal.  Sort of reassurance that I'm OK.

Believe me, on bad days, I really wonder about me.  How can anyone go through this and come out OK?

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