Where to Live?

Jack and I, for the past week, have been discussing what we are going to do when Leon is no longer here. We both agreed that we do not want to stay here. Just too much on both of us.

At first, we said Denver. Then we thought about it and said, well, maybe. We just don't know. What we do know is we are going to stay together. We will need each other. Not that he'll live with me forever, but for the first couple of years, it's just better this way.

Once I receive my Widow's Pension, I will be allowed to work, but can only earn so much. The money I will be receiving will pay rent somewhere (I hope) and not much else. Jack will have his benefits, but, again, not enough to live on. So, if we stay togther, we will have enough money to live on.

I may try to find maybe a housekeeping job. A few days a week, a few hours a day. Something that will buy weekly groceries.

This is something that I think about constantly. I need to have a plan, I don't like surprises. But, this is my future and I have to have a plan. So, everytime Jack & I are alone, one of us will say, "how about Fallbrook?" Or, "what about Oregon? University is there?" Or, "what about Arizona?" So many talks, just no decisions yet. But, we need to make a decision soon, as time is not on my side.

We have had a rough week. Leon's mental state is deteriorating more and more. It's been rough. I wanted to talk to my Mother the other day about this and I called her. She was too busy to talk, her oldest Son was visiting her. When I got off the phone, I felt so alone. Lost and alone.

My son's fiance mentioned to my son one time that she didn't think Leon was bad off. Made my blood boil. My son explained that they don't live with it, and only see what is portrayed. She's a lovely girl, only very young and does not see what Jack & I see everyday. But, still, come on. Ridiculous.

This is Memorial Weekend. Going to take flowers to Leon's Mom's grave. The hard part is not visiting her grave. The hard part is knowing your husband is going to be there within a year.