I did my heavy grocery shopping yesterday morning. Husband loves going with me. I do not like taking him with me.
I had a basket, but, he wanted one too. So, he pushed around an empty basket. Pushing a basket helps him keep his balance.
At the very end, husband wandered off and got lost. As I sat there at the front of the store, looking for him, it reminded me of when the kids were little and I lost Patrick in the store. Someone paged they had a little lost boy. Of course it was Patrick.
Sitting there thinking back to all those years ago, I didn't panic. I suddenly got sad. Here I am, thinking I should go to the front desk and ask them to page my husband, who is lost and wandering somewhere. Then, I would probably have to explain why he is lost and I just didn't want to do that.
Then, there he is. He had been wandering outside, looking for me. He seemed a little shaken, a little nervous as to what just happened to him. I had one more stop to make, a quick run in to Costco. He stayed in the car. As I was going through Costco, I imagined him wandering the parking lot. I hurried as fast as I could. I was walking towards the car, making sure husband was still there. He was. His head was bent as if in prayer. But, he wasn't praying. He looked like a beaten man. When he glanced up, I could see the look in his eyes. It was one of fear and sadness.
Later, he was in the garage, just wandering. Doing nothing. I think he goes in there, just to look at all of his tools. I never say anything to him about that. We didn't talk about what happened at the grocery store either. Why? No good will come of it. I just have to keep an eye on him now. Like a child.
The next phase is starting.
What do I do from here on? I have to go with the flow. My life is now centered around the many faces of Dementia. I do what I do. I never know if it's right or wrong. I just do it.
Today I am hoping will be a good day for husband. He will be home where he can't get lost. If he gets confused, he won't have far to go. I have to watch him now, like a litle boy lost. It's like that now, you know?