Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Winter & Dementia

Woke up to cloudy skies this morning. Was partly cloudy yesterday, but today looks like real rain. I like the rain. Soothing. It's pretty cold though. Some of the mountains surrounding us got some snow. Winter is upon us. Here we go. For the next six months or so, no more windows open, put on layers of clothes to stay warm, turn down the thermostat to save on gas, can't afford a big gas bill, no birds will be singing in the morning.

The squirrels are on our block wall in the back yard. They are storing up for the winter. My dog, Bessie, goes crazy as they run across the block wall. She will lay at the sliding glass door and watch for them. When she sees one, she will almost eat through the glass to get at them. Once I let her outside, she will race to the block wall, and, jump in mid-air trying to get at them. The squirrels just look down at her in disgust. The wall is 8 ft high. It's funny.

Winter. There is something about Winter now that makes me think it's kind of like having a husband with a terminal illness.

The trees loose their leaves. The birds no longer come out. It gets dark early. The roads can get snow packed and icy. We wear a lot more clothes. Our houses are closed up against the cold. And yet, life goes on. We still go to the grocery store. We still go to church. Most people still go to work. It's just.......different.

When husband is gone, I will still go to the grocery store. I will still go to church. I will still leave my house. Whether it be in shorts or warm clothes. All that's changed is the temperature. Same as with husband being gone. Instead of taking husband with me, I will go alone. There will be no more repeating myself, no more husband wandering the store, no more sleepless nights as husband jerks and chokes, no more watching husband as he descends into the World of Dementia. Instead of Mr & Mrs, it will be Mrs, with a pause, then added, Widow.

But life will continue on. Just like in Winter. It doesn't matter if it's freezing outside. Life has to continue. It doesn't matter if husband has passed on. My life will continue. It will be just.........different.

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