Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Flying by the seat of my pants

Another quiet day yesterday.  Not as eerie as the day before, but, quiet just the same.

I decided to go to the laundromat to wash husband's pants.  They were all soiled.  I was gone for about an hour.  Came home, walked in the door and there was husband, slumped over in his wheel chair, sound asleep.  I hope none of you ever have to see something like that.

My first thought was, "Oh no,"  but, I saw him breathe, so I knew he was only asleep.  I woke him up.  He did not recognize me at first, then, gave me a little smile.  I changed the sheets on the bed and got him back to bed.  He slept for a few hours.

I usually don't like him sleeping so much, but, with this constant confusion, he only seems peaceful when asleep.  Even Dr A says too much sleeping is not good.  Forget it.  I'm here, I see the confusion, he doesn't recognize even me at times.  So, if he's peaceful when sleeping, so be it.

The very idea of him not recognizing me brings me to my knees.  That is the ultimate betrayal of Alzheimer's. It makes me want to scream at him, "IT'S ME, YOUR WIFE."  He doesn't do it all the time.  But, I've noticed it happening more and more as days go by.  If it happened twice on Thursday, then it happened 4 times yesterday.  Every day it becomes more and more obvious that he does not recognize me.

On the flip side of Alzheimer's, husband wears his "diapers" without a fight.  When he woke up yesterday afternoon, he could not make it to the bathroom on time, so, of course, wet his pants.  He was amazed that his "underwear" held it in.  As I was helping him change, he kept saying how neat that was.  His pants weren't wet, he was totally dry.  I helped him shower, then, got out a clean pair, put those on him.  He's totally comfortable with them.  Amazing.

I am totally flying by the seat of my pants here.  I'm not a "professional" caregiver.  I make decisions on the spur of the moment.  These decisions are based on where we are at, at the moment, with his progression of this disease.

It's not easy.    

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