Changes, again!

What a week.  Sorry for the lack in posts.  This moving business is for the birds.  Especially when one has to do it alone.  It has been a hard week.  I'm exhausted.  When we moved here, I got rid of so much stuff, and now, packing, again, why, I have no idea where all this stuff came from.  My living room is filled with boxes, the spare two bedrooms are empty, the 2nd bathroom is done, kitchen is done, all that's left is my bedroom, master closet and our bathroom.  My body is so tired.

I get the keys to the apt on Thursday so I can start moving boxes that day and Friday.  We move in officially next Saturday.  Luckily, we have plenty of help.  No heavy lifting for me.

My landlord here has been so gracious to me, considering I'm breaking my lease.  It's nice when you have an understanding landlord.  He sees what I'm going through with husband and told me yesterday he doesn't know how I do it.

Husband has been a handful, for sure.  He doesn't handle change well, and with our whole life packed up, well, he doesn't understand anymore what this means.  I have been in the middle of packing and he will start to wander the house, muttering to himself, forgetting to get in his wheel chair, stumble, so I have to stop what I'm doing, get him back to bed and settled.  Then, he will think I got rid of all of his things, so, I have to take the time and reassure him I've packed his stuff.

Marie has been a great help for sure.  When husband starts to act up, she will calmly take him to bed, speaking softly to him, reassuring him all is well.  He responds to her and calms down.  The kids are on vacation and she has spent the majority of the time here, helping me.  I don't know what I would've done without her.

I hate all of this. The packing, the moving, again, the downsizing and my husband wandering the house, lost in his own world.  I found him crying the other day, sitting in the hallway.  I asked him why he was crying and he said, "Because I want to."   I don't recommend finding your husband crying and lost.  It's not a pretty sight.

No, I don't know how I do it either.  But, I do.

Every morning, when I go to get dressed, I somehow find my Big Girl Pants and put them on.  Some days are not easy to put them on.  But, they always seem to fit.