Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Friday, February 22, 2013

Going back

Has it really been a week since I've posted?  Still having issues with my laptop.  I get on quick in the morning, before the battery goes dead, then, hope and pray it will charge.  I am so lost without my laptop.

My old boss asked me if I'd like to work today.  So, here I am, at my old job, nothing much to do, so thought I'd take advantage of Computers and post!!  She asked me if I'd fill in on Monday as well.  Not only will you get ANOTHER post from me, but, the extra money sure won't hurt at this time.

We had a really good week, until I opened my big mouth yesterday.  Thought for sure I'd get one good week.  Then, out of the blue yesterday, the delusions came back.  My poor husband.  He's so lost.

Kristen came up last night, spent the night and is sitting with husband today.  Husband came into the living room last night and said, "I have no clean clothes left.  That man has been wearing my clothes."  Of course, I knew who he was talking about, but, poor Kristen.  Her face fell, I looked over at her and said, "Don't you dare fall apart."  I looked at husband and said, "No, honey, you have plenty of clean clothes."  He looked at me, giggled and said, "Oh yes he has."

It's creepy, that laugh of his.  From then on, he was restless, kept getting into the closet, trying to find the man in the closet.  I got him into bed, only to have him get back out 20 minutes later and make the bed.  Ugh.  Here we go again, I thought.

He slept good last night.  I used to love night time.  Crawl into bed, letting sleep come on, relaxing.  Not anymore.  The delusions usually happen at night, when it gets dark.  I can feel the darkness closing in on me, bracing myself for what is to come.  And, it usually comes.

I'm sitting here at work, looking out the office window, watching snow fall.  It looks so peaceful.  It's
quiet in the office now.  Kristen says husband is sleeping this afternoon.  Takes me back to when I used to work here.  I had a somewhat normal life.  Now, it's all gone.  I was looking over contracts in the files a little while ago.  I came across some I had done.  My signature. The dates.  My handwriting looked so normal back then.  It was all OK, back then.

Tonight, around 5, I will go home.  To a husband who requires round the clock care.  A husband who does not recognize me sometimes.  A totally different life now.

Oh, to go back to those contracts a few years ago, to see my signature and the dates.

It all seemed so simple back then.

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