Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Friday, February 15, 2013

My Familiar Stranger

Have to get this up quick.  Called the Geek Squad at Best Buy.  Told them symptoms of my laptop.  They said   it is the charging post.  They don't repair it, but told me to call another place.  It's going to cost me around $170 for the repair.  Guess it's better than buying a new one.  I don't have the money right now, so, I'll have to baby this along until I do.

As far as Valentine's Day, well, it was spent quiet.  Fine with me.

UNM Hospital called.  Psychiatry dept, that is.  She said that Dr A had referred.  I asked her why and she said they do that during the Final Stage.  Dr A had mentioned it, but, it was a surprise.  I have to take him in on March 4th.  Said she would be mailing the papers.  Kind of deflated my already deflated day.

It's funny how one can adjust though.  No, this is not a normal life I'm living now.  But, it's my life.  I've had 3 years to completely change my way of living and thinking.  It's been gradual with the last 5 months coming at me full speed.  I'm still reeling from all of this.

This total destruction on husband is not pretty.  He is like a helpless baby.  Depends on me for everything.  As I was getting ready for bed last night, husband had fallen asleep with his glasses on.  I took them gently off his face when he opened his eyes.  He had no recognition of me, but there was something else in his eyes.  It was the look of total pain and confusion.  It almost brought me to my knees.  I hushed him, told him to go back to sleep, which he did.  But that look he had given me broke my heart.

He has drifted further and further away from me.  It's hard watching this, but, I know that this is part of the process.  And progression.

My neighbor, Michelle, asked me the other night how I do it.  I pointed to the sky and said you'd be surprised at what you can do.  Not only does God give me the strength,  He is riding this out with me.  He's here, don't ever think for a moment that He is not.  She said she admired my strength and said if there is ever anything she could do, don't hesitate to ask.  I asked her if she could give me a normal life.  Poor thing, she broke into tears and gave me a big hug.

Husband is beginning to wake up.  I never know what is in store for me or what damage has been done to him during the night.  I usually know within 5 minutes of him waking up.  I also have a new name for husband.

He's now referred as the Familiar Stranger.

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