And so it begins.
Rough, rough night. Hallucinations, delusions and not knowing who I am.
By 3 AM, I got scared. Really scared.
Calling Dr A today. Being that it is Friday, Good Friday no less, I am going to get the Dr on stand by. Just in case I have to bring him into the ER.
It's really happening now. That final, awful, worst part of this disease only one could imagine. And if you can imagine it, times that by 100.
This is the part I've dreaded the most. The dying part? Walk in the park compared to this decline into the unknown world of Alzheimer's. This maddening disease, where your loved one goes mad. Loses all that is known to him.
I don't want to go through this. I don't want to watch him. I don't know if I have the strength to go to the depths of hell, only to have husband die. And, what's in it for me?
Widow. That's all I'll get out of this madness. I'll be labeled "Widow".
I am asking my God for strength today.