"This quiet is too loud"

Yesterday was spent very quiet.  I puttered around the apt and did some stained glass painting.  Husband sat in his wheel chair, in the living room with me and stared blankly around.  He did not talk much.  He didn't seem depressed, nor sad, nor anything.  I would look at him, but, there was no recognition in anything.  Sometimes, being so quiet is disturbing to me.  I don't like this kind of quiet.  It's not peaceful.  It's the sound of impending death.  Not comfortable.

I can't believe how fast husband has faded.  Ever since we moved, 2 weeks ago.  I blame myself for this, although I know it's not my fault.  I feel guilty for taking him away from what was familiar.  I knew it would affect him, just not to this extent.

An old friend of husband's called yesterday.  After talking to her for awhile, I handed the phone to husband.  I watched him, listening to her.  He would nod his head, then, when it was his turn to talk, the only thing he constantly said was, "So, how are you guys doing?"  That's it.  He did not answer her questions, just kept repeating that same question.  Finally, she asked to speak to me again.  Once I got back on the phone, all she said was, "Oh my God, Sue."

Yep. Oh my God.

Husband went to sleep early last night.  He was quiet as I changed his "Protective Underwear", better known as Adult Diapers.  He asked if he should wear regular underwear.  I told him it was not necessary.  I got him into bed and he said all he wanted to do was sleep.  I left him alone.

I woke in the middle of the night to find husband trying to get out of bed.  I asked him if he was OK, he said, "I can't get out of bed anymore."

I pray that he will soon go to sleep and wake in Heaven.  It's all just too much.  For him.