Before

I can honestly say, yesterday was such a good day.  Almost like old times.  Oh, such fun we had.  Each kid brought food.  Patrick did all the BBQ'ing.  I made potato salad and stuffed eggs.  We had BBQ'd chicken, cheeseburgers and hot dogs.  Food was good, company even better.

Brittney, Jack's girlfriend, came as well.  A soon as she got here, she told me Jack wanted her to set up a Skype account for me, so I could see him on the computer.  When she was done, she got him on Skype and what a great thing for me.  He got to talk to everyone and then it was Mom's turn.  We had a good conversation.  He showed me his room, showed me his view outside his room.  Germany is really pretty.  Now, all I have to do is Skype him and it's like having him here.  I couldn't thank Brittney enough.  She's a sweet girl.

Husband was good yesterday.  I don't think he hallucinated once.  He was confused most of the time, smiling, but, oblivious to everything and everyone around him.  I would look at his face and know that he was just lost in his world, but, no hallucinations were present.  At least, for one day, I got a break.  Him as well.

One of the kids came to me and said, "He doesn't look like him anymore."  I know, I said, I know.

Before I went to bed,  I asked God to let him sleep all night.  I sure could use a good night's sleep.  God answered my prayer, as he slept all night, with only one exception.  He did wake up and was trying to get out of bed.  I talked him out of it and he did lay back down and went back to sleep.  Oh, glorious sleep!

I had a dream last night.  In this dream, husband was well.  We were waking and talking, holding hands.  He was exactly like he used to be, before he got sick. I would look up at him and we would kiss, saying we loved one another.  I remember in this dream it was very sunny and bright outside.  I remember feeling so good inside. 

When I woke up, it was dark outside and I turned over in bed and there was my reality. 

Husband, sleeping fitfully, jerking and moaning.

Today, as the rough moments come, I will think of my dream.  I will remember what it was like.  Before Alzheimer's.  Before all of this. 

Yes, it was good.  Before.