Yesterday was not a good day. My mood was dark and husband was not in a good place.
All around, it was a really crappy day.
To make matters worse, husband suffers from a form of "Sundowner's", another rather unpleasant side to Alzheimer's. Some patients suffer only "Sundowner's", with it only affecting them when the sun goes down. They go throughout their day seemingly unaffected, but let the sun go down and they become lost, confused, angry and feel the need to wander.
Not only does husband suffer from the total affects of Alzheimer's, he also goes from bad to worse when the sun goes down.
Some nights, he's OK. Other nights, not so OK. With it being lighter longer, I begin to automatically stiffen up, bracing myself for the worst around 7 PM. And then, BAM, out of the blue, husband will become accusing, lost, confused, refuses to listen to me, angry. He reminds me of a caged animal wanting to get out of his cage. Only, the cage is his mind and there is no escape. Luckily (?), there is no violence. Just sheer terror in his eyes. He's so scared.
Nothing will relieve it. His anti-psychotic may relieve it somewhat, but, I have to ride it out with it usually lasting 2-3 hours.
Every. Single. Night.
Nighttime for me, used to be relaxing, winding down from the days activities.
Nowadays, not only are my days usually filled with all the perks of Alzheimer's, by nighttime, I get the opportunity of witnessing husband go even further into hell.
Huh, it's not easy being me. At least, today it isn't.