Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fire and Desire

My friend, Jackie gave me a book last month called "The Purpose Driven Life".  I had planned on finally diving into this book yesterday, however,  I received two very long phone calls back to back, and could not get into it.  This afternoon, after Bible Study and getting husband settled, I plan on doing just that.  I may have to unplug the phone.

Suddenly, I have this fire in me burning.  Somewhere, deep inside of me, there is a me.  I am on a quest to find the me I know I can be.  The desire is there.  It's not hopeless for me.  I am not a lost cause.  I am important.

As I was looking through the job list,  I noticed a company I had applied to two times before was advertising once again.  I sent my Resume again, this time telling them I don't give up so easily.  Either they'll hire me to get me to stop emailing them, or, tell me to stop emailing them.  Whatever.

In all, I think I applied to six or seven places.  I have done this before, never to get a response from anyone, however, that old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," is what I'm doing.  Time will tell.

I was putting clean laundry away yesterday.  As I went into the bedroom, husband was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.  I asked him if he was alright, he nodded his head and said, "I was thinking of the first time I ever went camping."  I sat down on the bed and he told me all about that camping trip.  Every detail.  When he was finished, he said, "I remember so much about my childhood.  I can remember.  It was a good childhood, you know?  My parents were good to me."

Fighting my tears, I put my arm around him and said, "It's so good that you remember that.  I'm glad you remember those things, when you were a little boy.  It makes me feel good to know that you know you were so loved."

I left the bedroom, the tears started.  I wanted to sit on the couch and sob my heart out.  But, of course, the phone rang!!

It feels at times like I'm a caterpillar, wrapped up in my cocoon.  One day, I'm am going to spread my wings and fly.

Just you wait and see!!

"So do not worry about tomorrow;  for tomorrow will take care of itself.  Each day has enough trouble of it's own."  Matthew 6:34 

1 comment:

  1. So good to hear you say these words. You aren't the one that is failing. You have alot of life to live. Being a caregiver is so time consuming that you don't feel you have a life of your own.