Going Home?

Yesterday was eye opening for me. 

Sometime, during the night, I believe my husband slipped into another world.  It has been so sudden, Alzheimer's didn't give me a chance to warm up to the fact that husband may be completely gone now.  It's just been so fast.

Husband was in a complete state of hallucinations, all day long.  As I sat outside in the morning, he came to the living room window and asked me how he could get on the porch.  I told him.  After I had helped him outside, he said, "Wow, I didn't know you could go through that door and be outside."

After a few minutes, he asked me, "Where are we?"  I told him, "We are home, honey."  He looked at me skeptical and said, "Well, I don't know about that."

One time, he had pulled his wheelchair inside and told me it was broken.  He was going to get some tools to fix it.  I talked him out of that one, said nothing was wrong, it just had the brake on.

Came in the house from planting some of my flowers and there he was, in all his glory.  Naked.  Said he had peed all over himself, was soaking wet, wanted a shower.  I felt his chest, dry as a bone.  His diaper was on the ground, dry.

Wanted him to lie down and take a nap.  He went to the bathroom, came out and I told him to turn the light off.  He said, "No, "He's" in there."

Yes, "the man" is back. 

Later, took him back outside because it was so pretty yesterday.  Told him to sit in  his wheelchair.  Went in to make an espresso, came back out to find that husband had turned his wheelchair upside down to sit on it.  How he stood, turning over that heavy wheelchair is beyond me.  Turned it upright, shaking the whole time and told him to sit.

After dinner, he came out of the bathroom (again, all day long, it was the bathroom).  Told me he needed to take a shower.  This time, he told me, he had oil all over his shorts.  What?

Of course, there was no oil on him or his shorts.

Several other instances throughout the day.

Wanted me to take him home, again.

Insisted he needed a shower, again.

At 5 AM this morning, he woke me up and told me a baby had been born in the living room, I needed to come quick.  He said he had been stuck on the couch (I got rid of our couch when we moved here) and couldn't get to me, but, a baby had been born.  I got him back into bed and as I was dozing off, he said, "Aren't you gonna check on the baby?"

I will see what today will bring.  He is up and in, yes, you guessed it, the bathroom.  He is going to have a bath this morning.  If it gets worse, I will have no choice but to take him to the ER to have him evaluated. 

Has he slipped into the unknown world of Alzheimer's?  Is he gone for good now? 

There is such a heaviness in my chest.  I am so sad.  Not for me, mind you.  For him.  He looks so helpless, so, so lost.

If he's going to go, please Lord, let it be fast.