I wish there was a book, a resource sort of book that I could go to, look up what I need to do, get my answers, no second guessing, just do it and be done with it. Since there is no such thing, I make decisions based on prayer and faith in God now.
I made the difficult decision yesterday to make my first call to Hospice. Because I've never had the opportunity to speak with this organization, I thought I would call and see how I go about it. Was there a waiting list? Do you have to be 100% bedridden? Do you have to be on Medi-Caid or Medicare to qualify?
I spoke with a neat lady, who, with compassion, told me there is no certain time when Hospice steps in. Yes, it is the "end of life" additional help, but, they also counsel the whole family as well. They will come 1-3 times per week, depending on how much help I need at the time. If there is no help needed for that day, they will just sit, have a cup of coffee and talk to the surviving family members. Their first visit will be next Wednesday.
Husband does not know this. If he hears the word "Hospice", it will send him over the edge. So, once again, I have to lie to him, or umm, lie to the disease. I am telling him that because he is on Medicare now, Medicare provides the extra help without him going to the Drs all the time. I will tell him that they now offer just an in-home weekly check-up. Trust me, he will believe it.
During my talk with Hospice, she kept asking me if there was any sudden weight loss. I told her that when he was weighed last week, I thought they had made a mistake. So, I called the Drs office, got his weight. There has been significant weight loss. I noticed he looked a little thin, but I don't feel comfortable with this weight loss. I trust my decision and instincts. It's a good move on my part to get Hopice involved now, instead of at the last minute.
All these decisions are at times, hard to make. I feel I have a level head (well, most of the time) and know when to make a decision such as this. Once again, there is no reference book to go to. And, trust me, no one can tell you when the time is right, but you. There are people who "think" they know when the time is right, but, they don't live in my home, they don't see what husband or I go through. Mostly, husband.
Without going into details, someone told me yesterday that I shouldn't have called Hospice. Did I stand up for what I feel is the right? No. Since then I have wrestled with that conversation. I will stand up for what I believe is right for husband from now on. This is MY husband, MY decision and HIS right to be cared for by a professional. No one, and I mean, no one, has the right to tell me differently.
Ok, got that one off my chest.
I am waiting for Dr A to contact me in regards to changing husband's meds. I feel he needs a mood stabilizer. Waiting for Dr A to call will not be long. He is so good. Once he sees who it is that left the message, he will call back promptly. He always says in his clinical notes that husband is a "very interesting man". Ha.
As we start the Hospice program, please pray for us. This was a very heart and gut wrenching thing for me to do. We will see how it goes. It could be that husband does not need it at this time, but, I will leave that to the professionals. Like the lady said yesterday, it's not the end yet, but we all know it's coming.
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