Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Conversations with no one

Not much happening here. Jack is back in school, had spring break last week. I let him take the car yesterday and today, so, we are home bound again today. Doesn't bother me. It is frigid cold here with high winds. May keep the car tomorrow and take husband out for awhile.

Father in law called yesterday morning. Said he was going to come and visit, but, it was just too cold to come out. Said I understood, then, he asked if husband had a good weekend. He sure did, I said. He seemed sincere, but, it's just words. I'd like to see more action on his part. Told him so in so many words. I get that he is in denial, but, explain that to husband.

Husband has seemed somewhat depressed for the last couple of days. I see the fight draining out of him. His eyes no longer sparkle, he has no desire to do anything but lay on the bed and stare at the TV. I try to joke with him, he will, at times, chuckle, but, nothing else. His legs are very bad now. So stiff. The stiffness has been rapid this winter. I watched him try to walk yesterday without the walker, just to put his glass in the kitchen, and, he just couldn't do it. I got the glass from him and took it myself.

Could that be what's making him so depressed? He knows his legs don't work anymore? He cannot walk anymore? I really need to get him out of the house. Do something he enjoys doing.

Before he gets up in the morning, I think of ways to make him happy for the day. Some ideas work, others don't. Depends on how he is feeling that day.

I'd like to feel happy again also. My days are busy, what with the house, meals, laundry, caring for husband. At the end of the day, I am tired, but, not physical tired. It's all mental for me.

I am hoping and praying for results this week on the genetics testing. I have a feeling we will get the results this week. Been long enough.

Husband is still asleep, but, I just heard him talking. He does that a lot lately. Talks one. Have to go check on him. It's a scary thing when you hear your husband talking to no one. We have no control over this monster. It does what it wants. Oh, how I wish I could make it go away. All of it.

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