So, life continues on. I took a few days off from posting to gather my thoughts. Things are the same, yet, different now. We now have the real answer, but, we (the Dr's & I) have always known the answer. It's now been confirmed by the Diagnostic Testing Center in Michigan. I have been somewhat overwhelmed by it all. I just needed time.
Sunday, at church, as we were standing and singing, it finally hit me. I glanced at husband. He had "the look", just staring ahead, not singing, nothing, that blank, haunting look. I put my arm around him and held him tight. "Oh, Lord, no, please," I silently said. Somehow, he knew why I did it, he looked at me and nodded his head.
Father in law called, wants to pick him up and spend the day with him. Husband is excited to spend the day with his dad. He's (father in law) making an effort. My heart hurts for him as well now. We are all hurting.
Since Friday, our whole family has been subdued. We are quieter, walk more softly, speak softer to one another and am more aware of one another.
Why am I feeling this way now, when, 2 years ago we did get a diagnosis? And even before that, I knew. Deep down, I knew. Probably because it's official now.
Spring is here. Winter is behind us. We are having beautiful weather. The trees are turning green, flowers are beginning to bloom. I can have doors and windows open. I am not dressing in layers. I see people walking their dogs more and more. The heater rarely comes on.
Yes, Spring. Renewal. New life. And now, this.