The unthinkable happened yesterday. My husband did not recognize me. We all laughed about it at the time, but, deep down inside of me, I shuddered.
Tish was over. We were all sitting on the couch, visiting. Husband came into the living room, looked straight at me and said, "Where's my wife?" I looked up at him and said, "I am your wife." It took him a moment, then he said, "Oh, there you are."
What a scary feeling. Is this a preview of things to come? Is he really not going to know who I am? The thought haunted me the rest of the day.
Husband has seemed to soften his anger. Replaced is this utter, complete, "can't remember anything" mood. Some days are better than others. Or, shall I say, some minutes are better than others. One moment, he's "with it", the next moment, he will go off the deep end. The hardest part is, he doesn't even remember he's been "with it", or "not with it". Does that make sense? Nothing with this disease makes sense. It's one surprise after another.
The other day, he forgot how to put a belt on. Yesterday, he put his belt on. It's this constant in and out that will drive me nuts. One day, he's got it, the next, it's gone. The next day, he's got it, and so on.
Jack seems to take it all in stride, but, I wonder how he feels when he closes his eyes at night. Does he worry? Does he long for the dad he once knew? Is he thinking about his chances of him being affected with it as well?
I ask him, he says no, but, I wonder.
Spring is coming. Along with spring is our wedding anniversary at the end of this month. So many years. Of course, we will not celebrate it anymore. Just another day. I will remind him what day it is, he will not retain it anyways. So, I will remember for the two of us. The day we got married. The weather, the funny things that happened, the people, the "looking forward to a long and happy life together."
Well, we all know now that that "long and happy life together" has come to an end. There is no future left for us. This is our future.