Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A lot of "feel sorry for me"

Still no news from the Dr on the Genetics Testing. Every time the phone rings, I look at the caller ID, hoping to see University Hospital. I surely hope I get "the call" this week. They weren't kidding when they said 6-8 weeks.

Husband continues to decline. Husband continues to be angry. Husband continues to leave his walker all over the house.

Tish and baby Alex flew in last night for the week. I have told husband many times what day they would be here. Many times. I have also told him how they were getting here. That too, many times. Patrick & Christine picked them up at the airport last night. She called, all was well. Flight was good, said Alex entertained every one on the plane. Told husband they had arrived, he said, "How was their drive up?" Sigh, exhausting.

I noticed yesterday the tremors are mostly constant throughout the day now. Legs and arms. It's not a pretty sight.

When husband got dressed yesterday morning, he came out holding his belt. He looked at me and said, "I forgot how to put a belt on, can you help me?" I made a joke out of it. The lump in my throat was not funny.

So many things on my mind. I am exhausted from this move. Still trying to recover. Man that was hard to do without husband. I woke up sad today. He has been so nasty to me. I don't like being around him. I am committed to him. I want my life to be "normal" again. I want to feel good again.

Nothing will ever be the same in my life again. What we had is gone. The life I knew is gone. This new life is not comfortable for me. The husband I had was a strong man. The husband I have now is pitiful.

All because of this terrible, and at times, horrifying disease. And for what? Who gains in the end?

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