August

Tish & Jace arrive today.  I am looking forward to them being here until Monday, where they have to  report to housing at Ft Carson in Colorado Springs.  We follow on the 10th of August.  I hope July goes as fast as June has.

Yesterday was an OK day.  Not too many hallucinations.  Husband would not nap.  It was a nice day weather wise, so, we sat outside a lot.  Father in law came up in the morning for a visit.  I showed him husband's new bed.  He was happy and relieved that I made the decision to place husband in a hospital bed.

Father in law saw first hand husband's hallucinations.  He looked at me and kind of smiled.  Yes, we have a bond now.  He understands where I am coming from when it comes to husband.  He told me I handle it very well.  He's been through it. 

I did not sleep very well last night.  I don't like the way husband's breathing has been for the last few days.  It's an awful sound.  He will moan, as if he is in pain, but, he's not. 

As I laid there listening to him, I started thinking of his brain and what it's doing, or, not doing.  I got kind of a rhythm going.  He would take a few deep breaths, but, fast, then, there was no breathing, then, a big gulp of air would follow.  He would then let out a long moan, breathe ok, then the rapid breaths would come, then, no breaths would come out and another moan.

I tried as hard as I could not to listen.  I don't like that sound.  It's the sound of a dying man.

I honestly hope none of you ever have to hear something like that.  It's so awful, that's the only word I can come up with at this time.  Actually, there are no words to describe that sound.

So, Tish & Jace come today.  God has given me something to look forward to.  Oh, how I will love the sound of little Alex as he wanders my house.  The two older kids as well.  Sitting and having a real conversation with someone.  Laughing.  Real, genuine laughter.

All too soon, they will be gone, already in Colorado.  But, August will arrive and I too will be bound for Colorado.

August, come quickly.