Tish & Jace arrive today. I am looking forward to them being here until Monday, where they have to report to housing at Ft Carson in Colorado Springs. We follow on the 10th of August. I hope July goes as fast as June has.
Yesterday was an OK day. Not too many hallucinations. Husband would not nap. It was a nice day weather wise, so, we sat outside a lot. Father in law came up in the morning for a visit. I showed him husband's new bed. He was happy and relieved that I made the decision to place husband in a hospital bed.
Father in law saw first hand husband's hallucinations. He looked at me and kind of smiled. Yes, we have a bond now. He understands where I am coming from when it comes to husband. He told me I handle it very well. He's been through it.
I did not sleep very well last night. I don't like the way husband's breathing has been for the last few days. It's an awful sound. He will moan, as if he is in pain, but, he's not.
As I laid there listening to him, I started thinking of his brain and what it's doing, or, not doing. I got kind of a rhythm going. He would take a few deep breaths, but, fast, then, there was no breathing, then, a big gulp of air would follow. He would then let out a long moan, breathe ok, then the rapid breaths would come, then, no breaths would come out and another moan.
I tried as hard as I could not to listen. I don't like that sound. It's the sound of a dying man.
I honestly hope none of you ever have to hear something like that. It's so awful, that's the only word I can come up with at this time. Actually, there are no words to describe that sound.
So, Tish & Jace come today. God has given me something to look forward to. Oh, how I will love the sound of little Alex as he wanders my house. The two older kids as well. Sitting and having a real conversation with someone. Laughing. Real, genuine laughter.
All too soon, they will be gone, already in Colorado. But, August will arrive and I too will be bound for Colorado.
August, come quickly.