Ho, hum. Another day in my life.
Husband has not been behaving lately. He has been nasty and mean to me. He gets this way. To bring him out of his nasty mood last night, I started calling him "pumpkin butt." He seemed to like that. I told him every time he starts to act up, I will call him "pumpkin butt." He chuckled.
He has woken up early today. And, is in a foul mood. I am already dreading today. He doesn't know if he went to the bathroom or not, so, he's back in there. He scowled at me when I told him he just went. Now, he's back out, looking around, trying to find the bedroom.
I am trying to change the way my day is going already and it's only 7:30 AM!!!
Husband started in last night talking about moving his hospital bed when we move. It's easy to move, but he kept insisting that we hire movers to move it. First off, I have no money to hire anyone, second, I know how to fold it up and wheel it to the truck. He doesn't believe me and said I will probably break it if I do it myself. This went on for about 2 hours last night. Exasperating!!!
I would rather put up with the memory and eyesight loss than this. It's so hard on me when he gets this way. There is no avoiding it. It's like a train wreck going to happen and all I can do is stand in front of it and let it hit me.
Nothing brings him out of it. You just have to let it ride itself out, hoping and praying it only lasts for a little while. Oftentimes, it will only last for a little while. Other times, it can last up to 2 days. It's fun, I'll tell ya.
Yesterday was my neighbor's birthday. I had told him I was going to do something nice for him. Of course, husband and Alzheimer's had other plans for me. As I was apologizing yesterday morning, saying husband was in a bad way, he looked so sad, which made me feel awful.
Then, he looked at me and said, "Oh honey, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Birthday's are not a big deal for me anymore. You just take care of your husband." Then, he started to cry and said, "I just feel so sorry for you and what you're going through. It must be so hard. You look so tired and my heart breaks for you."
I took his hand and said, "Oh dear, don't feel sorry for me. I'll be fine."
Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am sad. Yes, it is hard on me. But, he's my husband and God has given me this job to do. I have to do it. I have to do them both proud.
Yes, I'll be fine. It's just another storm I have to ride out. I'll come through it like the one before this and the one before that.
Reminds me of that song, "Don't cry for me, Argentina."
Cry for what he's lost. Cry for what we've lost. Cry for what the kids are losing.
Me? I'll be fine. Just you wait and see!!