I guess I've gotten used to these hallucinations. They seem to come on a regular basis now. It used to throw me for a loop. Now? I just ride with them. No big deal. When they come, I switch gears and ride it out, waiting for the next one to hit. Whatever.
Could it be that the All Mighty and Powerful God has made me so strong that I can handle anything now? I think so.
Since placing him in his hospital bed, he sleeps all night with no getting up and wandering the apartment. The labored breathing comes and goes. Some nights it's disturbing, other nights, not so bad.
The other night, as I lay there listening to him, I finally realized what it is. Have you ever heard of the Death Rattle? I read it somewhere, a long time ago. Well, husband has reached that point. When I hear it, it haunts me. And, scares me a little bit. Because I know what it is now. Not so comforting when you are trying to go to sleep.
Tish checked out our apartment up there in Colorado Springs yesterday. Afterwards, she called me and told me that she got a bad feeling when visiting the grounds. She advised me that the place was run down, dirty, screens hanging from sliding doors and windows and said she would not feel right if I took the apartment. I am trusting her and Jace's judgement. She said, "Mom, there is no way I can have you live there. You would not like it if you saw it. Jace and I both agree that there is something better out there."
So, after having a fun filled day of hallucinations, here I am, 6 weeks out, having given my notice here and no place to go up in Colorado Springs. Tish and Jace will look again today up there, but, I am completely broken down this morning.
Where will we live now? If I stay here, they are raising my rent $250 per month, that is, if I don't sign a lease for at least 1 year. How can I save to move then? Also, I don't want to stay here. My dislike for this city permeates my every breath. I want out of here.
So, my friends, if you are the "praying kind", please pray for me. Pray for Tish &Jace, that they will be able to find us something up there.
I just can't deal with all of this today. It's just too much.