OK, started posting and out of the blue, it just went away. Never had that happen before. One more time. Here we go.
Husband has been in and out. Mostly out. His walking is next to nothing now. He has tremors through his body, all day, every day. His memory is practically gone. His eyesight is poor at best.
I like to bring him outside and sit on the porch. There he will sit and stare at nothing. Eyes are blank, head bobs. He will occasionally ask me a question, one that will make no sense, I answer as best I can and he nods and once again will stare out at the grass and trees with a blank stare.
Because I don't take him many places anymore, I think that the fresh air will do him good. He does like it. It can be so hot, but, on our porch, it is cool with all the shade that we have.
His appetite has decreased. He no longer wants a big breakfast, nor does he tell me he's hungry. I ask him if he's hungry and he will take a minute to think about it, then say, "Not really."
Father in law came up yesterday. He used to be so happy to see his dad. Now? He will be polite to his dad, but, that's about it.
After father in law left, husband said, "Does he come to visit here a lot?" yes, I say. Oh, he replies.
My house is quiet most days. We have settled into this new routine. No longer does husband do anything. His big flat screen TV sits silent in the bedroom. He rarely turns it on. He has forgotten how to use the remote and just stares at the silent TV. Then, he will turn his head to look at the closet. The mirrored doors are gone, so, he can stare at the contents of the closet for quite some time.
When I suggest he take a nap, he will close his eyes. Lately, I've been watching him as he sleeps during the day. Once he's asleep, I often go in there to stare at him. He does such an odd thing.
I can tell he's asleep, then, suddenly, his face will break into a smile and his hands go up and down as if he's having a conversation. It was disturbing to me at first, but now, not so much.
I watch, mesmerized by this. It may last as long as 20 minutes. Sometimes even longer. As I sit there watching him, I wonder what is going on in his brain. Is it Alzheimer's, or, is it something else?
Yesterday, as he was doing this, I suddenly had a thought. Is he talking to the Angels? Are they nearby? Do they linger over him as he sleeps? Are they coming for him? Do they call his name?
As much as I don't want him to die, the very thought of Angels in my bedroom is comforting.
Yes, I'd like to think it is the Angels. And, he talks to them.