Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Friday, January 27, 2012

Double Edged Sword

Not much going on yesterday. We spent a low key day. I finished up laundry, checked online for any job postings and observed husband.

Since I had to up his daytime meds, I wanted to see if it had any effect on him. It sure did. His body may have to adjust to the strength I am now giving him. After his breakfast, I gave him the new strength, then went about laundry, dishes, the usual.

After about 1 1/2 hours, I went into check on him. He was awake, but seemed in a stupor. I asked him if he was ok, he said yes, very relaxed. Well, that's the idea. He wanted a coke, so, I ran to 7-11 to get him one. He used to go there a lot and is well known and liked there. One lady, Ruth, always asks about him. She always says, "how is HE doing today?" She is a sweetie. I told her all about our visit with Dr A, she shook her head and her eyes watered up. As I left, she said, very softly, "you tell him I'm thinking of him". I told him and he seemed to like that.

As far as any job offers or interviews for that matter, nothing. I mean, nothing. I am beginning to wonder just what all of this means. With my qualifications (not bragging, just sayin') I should have had several responses by now. The phone remains silent, the emails are not pouring in.

Does God want me to be home? Is it His will that I NOT work outside the home? And, if so, how can I make it financially? I am confused. I have felt so strongly the prayers coming my way, felt so reassured that a job opportunity would come my way. Once again, the phone remains silent, the emails are not pouring in.

I will do what God wants me to do. If it means I have to struggle financially, then, so be it. I won't like it, but, this will be His will. Maybe I'm supposed to be here, at home, for husband?

The idea of working outside the home is OK for me. Granted, I do like being home, but don't like the idea of this constant financial struggle. I also like the "working outside the home routine" as well. Paychecks are nice as well.

I'm confused and discouraged today. Do I question God, asking him "Why, Lord, I need more financial stability, why?" Or, do I relax, let things happen and roll with the punches?

Either way, it's easier said than done. I need some reassurance that I can obtain a position, somewhere, somehow. Could it be that the "right" job has not been found yet? One can drive oneself crazy thinking of all the what if's and why's. And, I'm doing a good job of that, for sure.

1 comment:

  1. Just sit tight and see what happens. People take forever hiring anymore. The better the job the longer the process is. God will give you an answer. Hope the medicine helps to calm your Hubby.