Husband has had 3 nights of good sleep with no jerking and choking. The increased dosage in his night time meds are doing the job. The increased dosage in his daytime meds are helping as well. However, the day time meds do leave him somewhat in a stupor, but, Dr A said it will take time for his body to adjust to the increased dosage. Husband has seemed more relaxed, less agitation, but, I noticed yesterday, memory issues are ever present. He could not hold a conversation, forgot what I had said many times throughout the day. Could be the meds, could be this monster has taken over. Combination of both? Who knows? I've said it before; you can go anywhere with this disease. Anywhere.
Thank you for the uplifting comments on my frustration in finding a job. It is frustrating, but, I try not to let it spill on these pages. I did yesterday and I apologize.
My days are filled with being the "strong" one. My days are filled with "do this, do that". My days are filled with reassuring those involved that "I'm fine". I put on that Academy Award Winning Smile and play pretend. I have to. If I don't, husband would not know what to do.
On a positive note, I had emailed my former boss and asked her if she could compose a letter of recommendation for me. Did not hear back all week from her, but got a reply yesterday. She was sorry she had not gotten back to me, kids being sick, the business, life got in her way. Said she would be happy to do a letter for me. Was very sorry to hear that things have gotten bad with husband. Said we needed to do lunch and would talk. She is so sweet. We have kept in contact since I left my position, and, it's nice we can still be friends.
I told her in my email that I think I may have jumped the gun in quitting so soon. With her though, she is the kind of person that would say, "Well, how could you know?" So, good news there. Am looking forward to having lunch with her soon. She is a really great lady and we had (and still do) such a connection when I worked there.
Today is house cleaning day. Need to start packing some stuff. I'd like to have a lot of it out of the way just in case I do get a job. Husband can't help in the move, so, it should be interesting. I'll get a U-Haul and move in one big trip. So much easier that way. Hopefully, I can find a good deal on the moving truck.
My friend, the one I spoke about that was so upset with me because I could not pick up a prescription for her last week called the other day. I did not pick up so she left a voice message. She did not come right out and apologize, but, said we had been friends for a long time and she cherished our friendship. Said she did not want to end our friendship. I don't know. I cannot be at her beck and call when she needs something, but, can I honestly turn my back on her? I certainly wouldn't want it done to me. I have not gotten back to her, need to think about this.
This past week I found out that a family member by marriage made a comment to someone that they were sick and tired of hearing about my struggles with husband and finances. My struggles are my struggles, I don't visit that on anyone. But, when you are dealing with the knowledge that my husband can not be cured, he is going to die, leaving behind a family, let's just say it's no walk in the park. I don't walk around saying, "Woe is me". I do what I have to do. You know, people are so insensitive to others. I don't think I could ever be that way. It takes all kinds to make this world go 'round, but, how insensitive is that?
Be careful what you say, be careful what you do. Because, it could happen to you. (Hey, that rhymes) And that, my friends, would NOT be a good thing. Take time to be more aware of other people, their feelings, their struggles. Hey, anyone wanna trade lives?
Naw, didn't think so.
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