Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Friday, January 13, 2012

Goodbye to the "Big Kahuna"

Several years ago, husband bought a nice big BBQ. It was a charcoal one. We got it at Lowe's. He was so proud of that BBQ. We also bought a cover for it. He kept it so clean. When we would have friends & family over, he would grill on the "Big Kahuna" as I'd call it. People would comment on how nice it was.

We sold it yesterday in our garage sale. As I took the money for it, I looked over at husband. There was something in his eyes. I went over to him to give him the money for his BBQ. I wanted him to have the money. He looked up at me and I saw pain in his eyes. Real pain. He looked so sad. I told him, "Honey, you keep the money for the BBQ". He nodded his head.

As they were loading it up, I had flashbacks of using the "Big Kahuna". The laughter that was in my house, the people who would come over for our BBQ's. The food, the feeling of family and friends.

One of the last times we used it was right before husband was diagnosed. He had started the charcoal, but, for the first time, he could not cook on it. I did the cooking, all the while thinking, "what's wrong with him?"

I thought about the "Big Kahuna" the rest of the day and into the night. When I got up this morning, I looked out our backyard. There is a spot now that is empty where the "Big Kahuna" once sat.

How ironic that a BBQ could trigger so many memories. Happy memories. Memories where husband would be teased the he cared more for the "Big Kahuna" than he did his wife. Memories of husband showing everyone "His Grill."

I saw husband last night looking out the sliding glass door. He didn't know I was behind him. There he was, hunched over, holding on to a chair. A broken man. A man that once was so strong, full of life. As he stood there, he said, "Good bye "Big Kahuna", I'm so sorry I had to sell you".

So, yes, Goodbye, "Big Kahuna". I hope you bring memories to the new family. I hope you have many compliments on your ability to grill the best burgers in the state. I hope you are well taken care of.

I'm sorry too, "Big Kahuna". Sorry and sad.

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