Finding Nemo? Finding Me?

This week, so far has been uneventful. Aside from the fact that I spilled my gut out here the last few days. It's nice to come here and do that. I felt better. I also feel that I need a lot of work. I'm a work in progress.

Getting older has made me take a really good look at me. I have also thought a lot about my childhood. I have discovered I am made of many layers. I am slowly peeling back those layers.

One thing I do know is, I am not phony. What you see is what you get. I tell it like it is, but, not to the extent of hurting someone. I don't like phony people. They make me feel uncomfortable being around them. I try to avoid those kind of people. Unfortunately, I know a lot of phony people.

I have been hurt by people. Their excuse? They tell it like it is. But, when you tell it like it is, you can also use a little tact. I would never want to hurt anyone. I just don't have it in me.

When husband was diagnosed, I thought our world would end. Well, it didn't. We're still here, a little worse for the wear, but, still here. There is always something good that comes out of a bad situation. I am beginning to feel that the "good" in my situation is, I am finding myself. I am learning more about myself everyday. I am finding that I can look at my past and my childhood and remember things that have happened to me, and trying to use it for the good of me now. It's not easy, remembering the past. Some of it is not so pleasant.

Like an onion. Peeling me back, layer by layer. Some of it hurts, some of it doesn't.

Husband has a disease. One that is terminal. He will not be here. His days are numbered.

One can choose to fold like a napkin. One could choose to shut the world off. One could choose to give up. One could choose to be bitter. One could choose to take it out on innocent people.

I choose not to be one of those. I choose to make the best of my situation and learn something from all of this. About me. Who am I really? One day I will find me. I will discover what I am made of.

With a husband or without a husband, I am finding me. And that's a good thing.