Missed me? Needed some time. I am still in that funk, not in a depressed or mad sort of a funk, just a ho hum kind of funk.
I've said it before. My life used to be so full and busy. Working, taking care of my family and home. It has changed so much in the last 2 years.
My days are long now. They can be boring at times too. What with husband sleeping for most of the day and the house clean, laundry is done, there's not much else to do. I find myself lately "going there"; to the time when it will be just me. I find myself thinking, "Wow, I won't technically be married anymore." I find myself thinking what will I do?
So many people think they can give me advice on what to do. So many people think they know what is best for me. While I appreciate the well meaning folks (and love them as well!!) and how they care, they have healthy husband's, they have financial stability and are not walking in my shoes.
Mind you, I'm not having a pity party for myself either. One thing I will never do is pity myself. I fully believe God chose me for this journey. God knows I can do it. God is present. But, I do have my moments when I question if I can do it. It's called being human.
I have learned many things about myself during all of this. I know I'm a child of God, strong and level headed.
We are now at the stage of dressing. Husband does not know how to dress himself anymore. I make it a joke each morning. I act as if I've been dressing him all along.
I had to take him to get a PT Evaluation on Wednesday. It's for his scooter chair. He came out of the bedroom and announced he was ready to go. He had managed to put on his socks and shoes!! I told him I was so proud of him. He managed to put a shirt on too!!!
He was standing outside our bedroom door with the biggest grin on his face because, as he said, "I did it all by myself!!!!!" Looking at him, getting ready to clap my hands together, I stopped in my tracks. Yes, he did dress himself, but, forgot to put on shorts. There he stood, shirt, shoes and socks and in his boxer shorts. Oh, how we laughed over that one. We laughed all the way to Physical Therapy as well. I laughed as I was sitting there waiting for his name to be called. It was so funny.
When all else seems hopeless, when one feels as if God has left them, when one get's so scared of the future alone, when one feels so alone, God makes His presence known and allows me to laugh. A good laugh.
Thank you God, I needed that one.