We have not been to our usual Bible Study group on Friday nights for quite some time. But, last night, I took husband because instead of Bible Study, it was a social gathering and pot luck.
We sat outside on D & J's patio while a storm gathered all around us. The lightening and thunder, with a little bit of a breeze was so refreshing. They have a beautiful backyard with garden lights and beautiful plants, along with a pool. We haven't seen some of these people in months.
I don't usually take husband to these anymore. By evening he is tired, (from sleeping all day) and is more confused than ever. Last night was no different, but I took him anyway.
He didn't quite get it that there was a BBQ going on. He didn't quite get it that it was a pot luck and I had brought a dish. He didn't quite get it when D announced the burgers and hot dogs were ready. He didn't get any of it.
As I sat there watching my husband, it reminded me of someone who would, say, crash a party. This party crasher would act as if he knew exactly what was going on, smile, nod, mingle. All the while not knowing anyone or anything.
Husband sat in his wheelchair, smiled, talked as best he could, nod his head when being talked to, all the while not understanding just what was going on. He never did get it.
I finally had had enough, announced husband was tired, it was time to go. Actually, I couldn't stand anymore of his total lack of concentration, his looking around as if to say, "Where Am I?"
I wasn't being mean when I insisted we leave. It was the reality of this disease. It had been a long time since we were in such a large group. It had been a long time for husband that is. And I realized just how much damage has been done. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get him out of there, to the safety of our home, where he could go back to sleep.
Or, was it me I was protecting? Was it my fears in facing what is happening to him? I mean, really, really, happening?
Guess I needed a reality check-up.