Took a few days off. I just needed to re-group. Reality has become my middle name. I don't know where I've been the last 2 1/2 years.
I accepted a deadly diagnosis, quit my job to be home with husband, dealt with top Neurologists at UNM, understood what we were facing, met that head on, asked all the "right" questions and became Caregiver and Cheerleader.
Suddenly, it has really sunk in that husband is really going to die. He's really going to leave this earth and join God. It has brought me to my knees several times this week.
I suppose it's the delayed reaction?
I took husband out with me yesterday. He could not understand what I was saying. A lady sitting next to me asked, "Is he brain damaged?" (By the way, she asked in a nice manner, apologized for asking but said she felt compelled to ask). I told her he has Alzheimer's. She was taken aback and said, "No! How old is he?" When I told her his age, her mouth dropped open, then, I saw tears in her eyes. I explained it is a very rare form of Alzheimer's, striking them in early 40's, and moves very rapid.
She then told me she has been a Caregiver to Alzheimer's patients for several years. She said she knew he had some type of brain disorder, but would've never guessed Alzheimer's.
As I got up to leave, she told me, "God Bless You, honey".
Later, it hit me. He used to be able to hide it when we were out and about. Now, he can no longer control it, the monster has done some serious damage.
Yes, reality of it all has hit me.
This is really happening. It's no longer forgetful here and there. The monster has come to live in my house, and, he's not going anywhere.
No, he's made it loud and clear he's here to stay.