Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Thursday, August 2, 2012

A whole new world

For some reason, I went to my very first entry when I created this blog, 1 1/2 years ago.  My, time has flown.

In this first entry, I said husband had Familial Frontal Lobe Dementia and that he had about 1 year left.  All that was before we had genetics testing done earlier this year.  Then, the diagnosis shifted.

We got a new name and a new timeline.  It didn't change the fact that he will loose touch with reality, will not be able to walk anymore and will, in all likelihood, pass away within 1 yr to 18 months.

No, nothing changed, except the name.

You know, folks, I read so many blogs.  They are about a "normal" nuclear family.  Daddy goes to work, Mommy may work, and the kids are going through stages that Mommy shares on her blog.  Mommy complains that the kids may be out of control, sleepless nights, messy home, can't get anything done because kids keep her busy, husband needs to help more around the house, Mommy spent too much money on a shopping spree, projects around the house that need tending to, eating out at this "fantastic" restaurant, going on family vacations and how grateful that school will be starting soon.

I remember those days.

I often think how vulnerable we all are.  B bopping through life.  Oblivious that the unthinkable could happen.  That all of our "normal", daily life could be taken away from us, thrusting us into a new realm, where we still can't seem to catch our breath.

And now that my life, or, the life I knew, has taken a detour, I've had to completely change everything I ever knew and learn to live with statistics.  And, watch my husband die.

I have changed so much.  I was forced to take my rose colored glasses off.  I see things in a different perspective now.

With all the sadness that permeates my home nowadays, with all that comes with dealing with the devastating effects this has brought to our family, with all the adjustments I've had to make, I like the change in me.

I'm so different now.  I see the world and life in a whole new way now.  I don't stress about the little things anymore.

Could it be?  Have I actually grown up?

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