You can do this, you can do this............................

Oh, the sights and smells of Christmas.  I thought for sure it would literally depress the heck out of me.  Surprise, it's not.  I'm just going with the flow.  When someone tells me have a happy holiday, I have been genuinely telling them to do the same.  This holiday season is not so bad after all.  Not that I walk around spreading Christmas cheer, but, when the young man at the cash register is so nice and talkative, I can't help but wish him a Merry Christmas.  So, OK, I think I can do this.

Husband has no Christmas spirit this year.  He has been down and depressed for a few days.  It's hard on me when he's this way, but, I have tried to get him to smile.  Maybe that's why I'm not so bah humbug?  Gotta keep his spirits up?  Could be.

He has not been sleeping well.  I find him sitting up in bed in the middle of the night.  Just sitting there, staring into the dark.  I tell him to lie back down.

He's been a little irritated at everything.  Including me.  He will try to test me.  See how much he can dish out.  Once I've had it, he retreats to the bedroom to sulk.  Ignoring him is the best way.  Just like a child.  I hate doing this, but, when you have a husband who has the mind of a 4 year old now, well, it worked for my other 4 year old children, so, it's been working for husband as well.

It's getting harder and harder now as we enter this final stage.  I'm holding on, not steady, but holding on just the same.  Preparing myself for the hell to come.  It's coming, just on the horizon, you can feel it in the air.  Reminds me of a big storm that is predicted.  You can see the clouds building up and you brace yourself.  You know it's going to hit, and there is nothing you can do to avoid it.

Tomorrow we will go to Christmas Eve services.  I started my homemade Posole yesterday.  It's a traditional New Mexico dish.  It's delicious.  You eat it on Christmas Eve.  Marie, Burt and the kids are going to church with us, then, come back here to eat Posole.  I am looking forward to that.  Kristen will be here too.

Jack called last night.  He asked me if I was making my Posole.  When I told him yes, he groaned.  He is homesick.  A lot of the guys went home for Christmas.  He said only a handful are there.  Said it's like a ghost town there now.  He has 2 weeks off from school.  I asked him if he got his package yet.  He said he will check today.

We talked for a long time.  He told me how much he has learned being in the military.  It was a good talk.  I still miss that boy.

There are no regular church services today.  Because our church is so large, they are having Christmas services today and tomorrow.  So, today I will pack up some stuff.  Get a little organized for our move.  Clean out some cupboards.  Take down shelves, pack up pictures.

So, for someone who has been dreading these holidays, it's not so bad.  All the pep talks I have been giving myself have paid off.

Yep, I can do this.