Well, I did a post yesterday morning, and when I published it, it was all screwed up. So, I deleted it and just didn't have it in me to start all over again. Let's try this again.
My Saturday cleaning therapy worked. My house was screaming, "I'm too clean." My neighbor came to visit on our porch that afternoon. I had husband outside, he was enjoying the beautiful weather. I was joking that my house was so clean, I didn't want to go inside. Afraid I would dirty it. We laughed over that. Don't get the wrong impression of me. My house is always clean, but this Saturday? Why, it was, CLEAN.
I did OK. When I thought of Jack, there was a twinge, but, every time I got that feeling, I would find something to do. The music helped. I sang to the oldies.
Husband has been pleasant. Kudos to the drugs. Not much in the here and now, but, pleasant.
I woke up around 3 am to find husband cross ways on the bed. He had taken all the bed covers on his side and pulled them out. He was halfway on the bed, with the rest of his body hanging over the side of the bed. The dog was laying beside him, concerned over husband. You could see it in his face.
I got up, asked him what he was doing, scared a little, thinking he was hallucinating again. He was mumbling, out of it. I fixed the bed covers, pulled him up and told him to lie back down against his pillows. He said, "I can't. I can't remember how to do that. I'm glad you woke up because I've been laying here for about 20 dogs, hoping you would wake up and help me."
Wait. What? 20 dogs? Yep, you heard right. 20 dogs. Not 20 minutes, but, 20 dogs.
Now, let me explain something. When I quote husband, it sounds as if his speech is perfect. I quote him as I understand him. His speech is slurred, jumbled and a lot of mumbles. But, this is what I understood him to say.
I got back into bed, he started mumbling and I thought, "No, Lord, please, not tonight. Please, let him go back to sleep." Within minutes, he was asleep.
I don't like the hallucinations. They scare me. I mean, really scare me. I feel like a child when it happens and want to run to my mommy. Yeah, that scary. When he hallucinates, he doesn't know who I am. It's not tear your house apart, violent hallucinations, it's just that he sees people and things that are not really there, and when I go to comfort him, he will say, "Who are you?"
No, I don't like the hallucinations.
A comment was asked about if I have a good support system. Well, yes and no. The older children work with some only having 1 day off per week. They all call on a regular basis. Of course they ask if I need anything, or is there something they can do. But, as far as care giving, no, I do it on my own.
That will all end next week. I found out that Medicare will pay for a nurse to come to the home up to 3 days per week, for 3 hours each day, at no cost to me. I am in the process of doing all the paperwork necessary for this to happen. I will finally get a break from this madness.
Today begins a new week. I survived Jack leaving. I did it and did it well! It's OK. I'm OK.
Without me even falling to my knees, God came in and swooped me up in his arms and Said, "I'll carry you. Rough seas ahead."
And that, my friends, is all I could ask for!