This week has been a little strange. Jack is up in Colorado with his brother, Kristen has not been home, so it's just been husband and I.
How quiet my house is. Husband slept for the better part of the morning yesterday. Got up around noon and just walked around the house. Seemed confused. Didn't say much. Patrick picked me up around 5 to go get my car from the mechanic. Had the Tune-up done for our trip to Colorado this weekend. Mechanic said the car is in good condition, just needed the tune-up. That's good news, as this car has to last me for the rest of my life. No money to buy a new one. It's a good car.
On Monday, Tish followed me to the mechanic to drop off the car. Husband stayed home. Later, Tish came back and he started rambling about us taking the car in and we could just take the bus home. What? I told him I already dropped the car off, and, that Patrick would take me to get it the next day. He just gave me a blank stare. Tish looked at him, then me, and walked away.
This disease is taking control, I see it more and more now. It was OK for a few days last week, but, once again, when he seems to stabilize, that's a warning of things to come. The deterioration of his brain is evident now.
I am so glad that Jack isn't here. It's hard on him to see his Father this way. I can see the hurt in his eyes. He is in a place where there is just calm, relaxing, everyday "normal" stuff. He needs that right now.
I,on the other hand, need my "alone" time. When husband sleeps alot during the day, I get some "alone time", but knowing that my "alone time" is not normal when your husband sleeps for the better part of the day. I often think of places I could go, for the weekend, alone, and how I would so enjoy that. All that comes to a screeching halt when I see my husband wander around the house, in a confused state of mind.
So, here's to Wednesday. Half way through the week. Saturday, we leave for Colorado. It will be a beautiful drive up there. The scenery is just breathtaking. I look forward to that.
Until then, I will take care of the here and now. I will watch husband decline more into another world. I will be strong, swallow hard when he asks me crazy questions. I will watch him as he sleeps, looking for signs of seizure activity. I will remind him about our trip Saturday. And, I will close my eyes and imagine the beautiful drive up to Colorado, with it's peaceful mountains, trees, animals and think, "aahh".