Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Another decision

Nothing new to report. Husband has remained the same. Goes in and out of reality. Is angry about everything.

Tyler & Susie took Jack with them on Sunday, just to spend the day with him, get him away from this house. Tyler decided to take Jack shopping for new clothes and new shoes. He picked out some very nice clothes. I was unable to get him new school clothes this year due to finances, so this helped out alot. I really have me some great kids.

Later, Tyler could see that I was worn out. He started talking to me about husband. He said that I need to start thinking of me, taking care of myself. He mentioned that maybe, just maybe, I should consider putting husband in a Nursing Home. I have thought about it, but just don't think I have it in me to do so. How can I just put him there and leave him there?

Alot of people have their own thoughts on this sensitive subject. Honestly, it has crossed my mind. I just don't think I have it in me. It is something to think about, yes, but can I do it and live with myself?

Tish thinks he should be at home. Of course they are not here, experiencing this nightmare. They see it when they come to visit, but, they are not living, breathing it like we are.

I don't know. All I thought about yesterday was imagining him being in a nursing home, me being here. Would he hate me? Would he get scared without me? He panics when he can't find me now, imagine what it would be like if he was in there? All these thoughts, all these decisions. Whatever I do, will affect my whole family. It's all on my shoulders.

Ever since I was starting out my career in the working field, I have always loved a challenge. When they said I couldn't, I did it. But this? This is a real challenge. I honestly don't know if I could do it. I am so confused, scared, feeling hopeless, lost, lonely and sad, so sad.

Time will tell if or when an intervention needs to take place, and I have to make the decision to place him in a home.

Until then, I will go about my daily routine. Only now, there is another wieght added to my already heavy load. To place or not to place?


  1. You need to talk to someone like a social worker. Like the ones they send to talk to you while your patient is in the hospital. We just put my husband's mother in a apt. in a nursing home. She hated it and now she loves it. She is still able to do some things on her own. The doctor put my dad in a nursing home because my mom couldn't make the decision. You could visit him every day. You may not be ready for it yet but just think about it. It isn't a sign of giving up or any reason to feel bad. You just need to talk to someone removed from the situation.
    So nice of your kids buying clothesfor old is he.

  2. this is my second comment - yet still anonymous - nursing home or not nursing home - not easy, is it? i am the person who told you about my brother-in-law with early onset dementia - my sister-in-law made the heart wrenching decision to place her husband, my brother-in-law in a nursing home just last month- not easy - and no one but the person making such a decision can understand. she came to our house for thanksgiving and we felt the empty place at the table - my heart goes out to you and sending you good thoughts and prayers for peace for you, your husband and your family - embrace the moments, how fleeting and take time, if you can, to take care of you. blessings.