Husband had a rough night. Did not sleep well at all. He shouted out several times. He had alot of jerks. He was very restless. Tosssed and turned. When husband has a rough night, I do as well. This morning, he is confused and a little upset.
When we get little breaks like we've had, you tend to get a false sense of security. Like, "whew, glad that's over", kind of thought. When it strikes again, you feel deflated and hope seems to dwindle.
This disease is like riding a roller coaster. One day it will stop. When it does, I will no longer have a living husband. I say living, because my husband is gone, the real one, that is. The one I knew. In his place is someone that is pitiful. And it hurts, alot.
Imagine your husband. Take a real good look at him. Big, strong, manly guy. Lucky you. Now, look at my husband. Not so big anymore, holds onto walls & furniture to walk, stumbles, knees have spastic movements, a vacant, haunted look on his face. Ever hear of the old saying, "The lights are on, but nobody is home?" Get the picture?
On a happier note, after responding to several companies, I got my first call yesterday. Talked to me about the position, asked me if I would be interested. She seemed interested in me and the software I've used. We will see if they call back. She said they are only calling the ones who are qualified. Let's hope she calls back. I know it's only my first call, but, I always seem to find this thing called "Hope" somewhere deep inside of me. Will leave it in God's hands now.
It did make me feel good that after less than a day, I get a call in response to my Resume, that soon. I know what my qualifications are, but, nice to know others recognize it also. We shall see what today brings. I do not want to get my hopes up, but, at the same time, I do.
The idea of working, being with "normal" people, people who retain what you tell them, having intelligent conversations, I've missed that. Didn't realize just how much, until yeterday.
The start of a new day. Possible new beginnings.