Husband does things lately that often surprise me. There will be times that I don't think he will remember something and he does remember it. Take for instance, yesterday afternoon:
I was going to check on husband. He seemed more tired than usual and thinking he was asleep, I wanted to check on the tremors.
When I entered our bedroom, husband was flat on his back on the floor. He had a grimace on his face. I stopped, gasped and almost tripped over him. I yelled, "Oh no, honey, are you OK, can you hear me?" He opened his eyes, smiled and said, "Oh, I'm fine, just doing my exercises that Debbie (his Physical Therapist) gave me."
At this point, my legs turned to jello, my breathing was rapid, I felt light headed, I stumbled to sit on the end of our bed. All I could say over and over was, "Oh, you scared me, you scared me". He sits up and says, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you", then, with a chuckle and a smile he says, "Thought I had gone and died on you, eh?" I shuddered, but, after looking at him, we both started to laugh. That took me awhile to calm down. I shook for a good 30 minutes.
Later, as I was dishing up dinner, husband said to Jack, "I scared mom today". He told him what happened. All Jack could do was say, "Don't do that again, dad". He was serious, he did not see the humor in it like we did.
Why did he remember he had to do exercises when he cannot remember where the bathroom is? I don't know. This disease is so tricky. Just when I think everything is gone, there is a little spark to him still. He's not totally gone, yet. There was a sparkle in his eyes I had not seen in a very long time. He laughed, a pure, heartfelt laugh. I have a lump in my throat just thinking about it now. Oh, it was so good to laugh with my husband again.
As I went to bed last night, I looked over at husband, sound asleep. I looked at his eyes closed, breathing regular, small tremors, not too bad. I looked at his head, where all of the destruction is taking place. And I thought, "he's still in there, somewhere".
Ahhh... I love a good laugh! Just what the doctor ordered. :)
ReplyDeleteLet me take a moment and enter your life and say how heartbroken I am for you and your dear husband. Reading your honest words reminds me to uphold you in prayer. I wish there was more I could do, though I don't know you, reading the hard hard road you have to walk, I wish I could come along side in some small way. Keep writing; we'll keep reading. And praying. You are being a loving loving spouse.
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