Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A new & improved me?

Nothing new to report. Husband seems OK, for now. We have many memory lapses throughout the day, but I've gotten used to it. No longer do I brace myself. If I see he has "the look", I roll with it. He usually comes out of it in a matter of a few hours. We pick up where he left off, if he can remember where he left off. I'm learning.

The Physical Therapist called the other day. Said she wants to see husband on a weekly basis. She said that the muscle weakness in the legs is progressive, (I knew that), but, she can help for now. I told her that by taking him to her each week will help him feel better about his disease. I also told her that he has not accepted his fate and is angry about it. He will go once weekly beginning on the 18th of this month. When I told husband, he got excited about it. We made the right decision.

I am in the process of learning about myself. I realized last night I have a long way to go. Life isn't always a bed of roses. Life can be cruel. My life now at times does seem cruel. I try each morning to gear up for the day. If it goes well, good. If not, I am learning how to cope. Some days I do well, other days not so well. I recognize it now and try to pace myself. I am learning how to deal with my anger. I have issues with anger. But, when I recognize I am getting angry, I now talk myself down. It's beginning to work. I am a work in progress.

I will never be perfect. I will always have issues. Who doesn't? For now though, I am learning more about myself and what makes me tick.

I realize in order for me to help husband into this slow decline, I have to help myself first. I have to take care of me. Otherwise, I am no good for husband. Yeah, it's looks good on paper. I do try hard each day. It's like learning a new language. One day though, it will come second nature to me.

I have to accept me as me. I can't be what other people want me to be. I have to be me. But, I have to improve me. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

One day I will accomplish this. Probably not in husbands' lifetime, but in mine. My hope is that when husbands' time comes, he will know somewhere in his mind, that I tried, I really, really tried.

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